Halloween is here, which means Stapleton parents are preparing creative costumes for parties and to wear to walk their kids around trick-or-treating. “I still love Halloween,” says Stapleton mom Leah Druvenga. “We usually go to a neighborhood party, and it is always fun to try to outdo yourself from the year before. I have a great idea for this year, now I just need to make it happen. Let’s see if that bitch Kelly is more cute and creative than me this year.” Leah is one of several Stapleton residents who enjoy dressing up for Halloween and having drinks with friends and neighbors. “It is a good chance to let yourself go and show another side of yourself,” said Michelle Poolman. “Typically, the trampy side.” [Read more…] about Halloween Brings Local Goodwill First Stapleton Customer of 2015

With the cold weather we experienced this week and colder weather to come, people are reminded about the negatives of the cold. There is of course, the shorter days, colder car rides, and more runny noses. But what really pisses off Stapleton mom Lisa Rudee is having to put layers and layers of clothes on kids. “We had such a nice long spring and summer, I forgot how much of a pain in the ass getting clothes on kids is,” said Rudee. “Getting my kids ready to go outside on a cold day, well, it just f*ck#ng sucks.” [Read more…] about Cold Day Reminds Stapleton Mom How Much Bundling Kids “F’ing Sucks”

Stapleton continues to boost Denver’s reputation. In a recent “study”, Denver was ranked as the most sexually active city in America. The study took into account birth rates, contraceptive sales, and sales of sex related merchandise. People move to Stapleton for the sole purpose to eventually reproduce, so Stapleton clearly supports Denver in that category. “We moved here from the highlands,” says resident Mike Beatty. “Of course we like it here, but we only moved here because we knew we wanted to have kids, and if you want to have kids, you are basically peer pressured to move to Stapleton.” Nikki Sword agrees. “We lived in Hilltop, but knew we were going to start a family,” says Sword. “So, here we are with the rest of the people in Denver who either have kids or want to have kids.” Stapleton’s kid-friendly reputation is so big people move to Denver from out of state. “We moved here from Ohio,” said Tim Eichorn. “My job gave me some options as to where we could move, and Denver was one of the cities. After looking into it, we decided to move to Stapleton, because of how kid-centric it is.” The study did not take into account swingers, according to researchers. “We did look at the sex toys stuff,” said lead researcher on the project Stew Cavin. “But we did not take into account swinging. I guess that would have put Stapleton and subsequently Denver even further ahead.” With more schools getting built, there appears to be no end for the amount of reproduction efforts occurring in Stapleton. ]]>

After several years of fighting with the catastrophe that is the Moellering basement, the federal government has finally stepped forward and appropriately declared the area a federal disaster area. “Officials came to check things out about two weeks ago,” said Craig Fugate FEMA Director. “I was informed by our team about the crisis and then spoke with the President, who later came to survey the damage. President Obama was shocked and saddened by what he saw, and hopes that the damage is isolated to just the Moellering home at this time.” Director Fugate says there is no timetable on the cleanup at this time. “Right now, it is about isolating the problem and relocating the Moellering family,” said Fugate. “The cleanup process could take months, and thousands of man hours, at a considerable cost. But, we want the family safe, and that is our first priority.” The FEMA crew arrived at the Moellering home a week ago adorned in hazmat suits prepared for the challenge that lie ahead. “We know there are old paint cans, random tools, glues and adhesives, along with thousands of old toys and kids clothes,” said FEMA team leader Greg Artz. “This is going to be one of our toughest challenges, and many on this crew were involved with Katrina.” The Moellering family initially tried to handle the problem on their own, but after years of neglect and build up, it was clear it was much too big a problem for the family. “We tried to do a spring cleaning,” said Anthony Moellering. “We would bring items out to sell for the Stapleton Garage Sale, and would even recycle and discard items. I guess we just got behind. And eventually, it was too much for us.” The Stapleton family even engaged the community for help, but alas, the project was too big. “There had to be at least 100 volunteers taking things out in yard trash bags,” said Stapleton neighbor and volunteer Jon Mason. “People were working eight hour shifts, and people were in there round the clock. But, unfortunately, it is a reminder that sometimes nature is just too powerful for mankind.” Fugate says his team is prepared for a long battle. “We have been in these situations before, and we can only do what we can do. Are we going to battle it until the end? Absolutely, but we aren’t magicians. We are just hoping and working for the best.” Moellering says he is pleased with the response of FEMA at this point. “Some of this was self-inflicted,” says Moellering. “We have to accept what nature’s plan is for us. If it is to leave this home and find another, so be it. We loved this home, but the most important thing is that we are safe. We hope nothing like this has happened to anyone else in our community.” ]]>

In the most recent update on the Eastbridge Town Center, many of the retail shops were revealed. These included a Pilates studio, a coffee shop, home and garden retail, a restaurant, and of course, Los Chingones and the Troy Guard breakfast restaurant. But the centerpiece to the Eastbridge layout was the most imperative; the ice cream kiosk. “We did our homework,” says Evergreen Development representative Dennis Westerberg. “And, the most important thing to residents in our focus groups was an ice cream kiosk. So, during the initial design phase, we made sure that was central piece.” [Read more…] about Eastbridge Residents Wonder if One Ice Cream Kiosk is Enough

Last month, Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill closed its Stapleton location, stunning residents. “That place was still open?” exclaimed Stapleton resident Kathy Rundall. “I think I went there once four years ago, but assumed it was out of business. Who was going there?” Resident Shawn McCall was equally surprised. “I don’t think I knew of anyone who ever went there. They just got shut down? That’s a heck of a run. Really, people were going to that bar enough to keep it open for four years? Just incredible.” [Read more…] about Toby Keith’s Remarkably Stayed in Business for Four Years

The Green Book was the original document created to guide the development of the Stapleton community. Historians believe the document was created sometime in the early 1990’s, but they cannot be certain. “Based on historical records, documents, and artifacts, we can be pretty certain the Green Book was created sometime between 1990 and 1994,” said historian Seth Hartland. “The writing style of the document, and the fact that it uses Arial as its font, also gives us a pretty strong clue that it was sometime during that period.” [Read more…] about Archeologists Uncover Missing Pages of Green Book

Stapleton mom Angie Clark has been a stay at home mom for the last seven years. She has taken care of the kids day in and day out as well as being the household manager, including things such as getting groceries, doing laundry, keeping the house clean, and keeping the family schedule. Not to mention, she has stayed smoking hot. “I have really enjoyed being there for the kids, and we are lucky enough we can have one of us stay home to be there for them,” said Clark. “Truthfully, I really didn’t enjoy working my white collar job before we had kids, and taking care of my family has been significantly more rewarding than doing TPS reports.” [Read more…] about Kids in School, But Stapleton Mom Plans to Continue to be a Mom