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Container Holding Hats and Gloves Getting Fucking Ridiculous

January 31, 2018 by Staff Writer

Cold weather and snow has sporadically hit Denver, and that means it’s time to get out the gloves, hats, and boots. The Klingman family keeps all of these items in one big messy container. And the container is not just for the new items. The Klikngmans keep old gloves and boots that no longer fit the kids, or gloves they no longer use. Mom Dawn fully intends to sell the items on Swap as soon as she gets around to it. “We’ve just been so busy these last…well, several years,” said Dawn. “But, I will do it. I promise.”

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Stapleton Man Achieves Near Enlightenment After Box Cutter Purchase

January 31, 2018 by Staff Writer

Bobby Travillian never thought a late night trip to Walmart could change his life, but after our interview with the local Stapleton family man, it’s clear he has all but achieved a state of near enlightenment. “I was just there for milk and eggs and figured I’d swing through the tool aisle on my way out” Travillian, 39, said of the night in question.  He continued, “I had no intention of buying anything, just doing my usual fantasizing about various unfinished projects – then I spotted the box cutter. 

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Stapleton Couple Thrilled to Finally Get Invite to Hang Out With Popular Group

January 31, 2018 by Staff Writer

Swigert parents Jim and Kelly Roberts have been waiting for years to be invited in to one of the popular Swigert groups. “We would see all the popular cliques hanging around talking at drop off and pick up and would wonder what it would take for us to get included,” said Kelly. “The girls were all so pretty and in shape, and just, you know, cool.” On several occasions Kelly said she had tried to interact with those in the group. “I would hear one of them say something that I could relate to and just try to throw myself in to the conversation,” said Kelly. “But, I was usually blown off pretty quickly, and would feel pretty dejected about the whole thing.” Although Kelly said she hoped she could one day be invited in to the cool group, she wasn’t holding her breath. “I felt like we must have missed our chance,” said Kelly. “At this point, I figured we were considered ‘not cool enough’ and we would just have to find other people outside of those circles to hang out with. But man, we really wanted to be with those in crowds.”

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New Stay at Home Parent: “Six Hours Not as Long as I Thought it Was”

January 31, 2018 by Staff Writer

Nicole Weigel stopped working full time about a month ago and has really enjoyed her newfound flexibility and time with her kids. “It’s been great not having to rush out the door every morning,” said Weigel. “I get to make the kids lunches, take them to school, watch their activities, and keep up with what is actually going on with the school. It has been great.” One thing Nicole has noticed is that the school day seems to go by much faster than she had thought. “I used to wonder what stay at home moms whose kids went to school full time did all day,” said Weigel. “I figured, what a life of leisure. Probably coffee with friends, maybe some shopping, some early happy hours. That stay at home thing has to be the easiest gig. What I found out was that those six hours or so go by pretty damn quick.”

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“No Eating on Couch” Rule Lasts Almost Six Days

January 31, 2018 by Staff Writer

The Noelting family finally upgraded their couch last week after years of complaining about how filthy the old couch had gotten. “It was really disgusting,” said mother Angi. “I didn’t even want to have guests over. The worst part is, I would clean that thing all the time. But, by the next week, there are crackers, cookie crumbs, wrappers, and all sorts of things in that couch. There were spots I couldn’t get out, some from wine, and all sorts of other liquid spilled there. I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore.” Angi purchased a new couch and put the old one on the side of the street of her Eastbridge home. “It was picked up in last than an hour, which was great,” said Angi. “The new couch wasn’t perfect, but it was much better than that dumpster we had been sitting on. We decided to make some rules with the new couch.”

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Aisle Maze at Eastbridge Soopers Completely Unappreciated

January 2, 2018 by Staff Writer

The Eastbridge Soopers has been open for roughly four months now, and overall, has received positive reviews. The biggest contributions of the Eastbridge Soopers is that it is close by to those living east of Central Park Boulevard and it has alleviated some of the crowding at the Quebec Soopers. “It’s nice to know you can get there in about two minutes,” said area resident Mitchell Nash. “I know the Quebec Soopers wasn’t that far away, but just thinking about crossing the Central Park intersection annoyed me.” The crowds may be a little better as well according to Michelle Lockie. “At times it can seem as crowded as the Quebec Soopers,” said Lockie. “But, the reality is, I never have a terrible time finding a parking spot and checking out is always considerably faster.”

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Jesus “Really Disappointed” After Following Area Next Door Site

January 2, 2018 by Staff Writer

Like anyone else, Jesus likes to take a break from his daily activities to peruse social media sites. He often “googles” Himself, checks out what his friends have been up to through Facebook, and even goes to Snapchat. He’s also joined a few neighborhood groups over the years just to make sure people are “loving thy neighbor.” “Even though I don’t technically live in these neighborhoods, I live enough in the hearts of some of the residents I count it,” said Jesus. “It’s just a good way to see how modern people are interacting with each other and to see if people are communicating with and treating each other in a way I see appropriate.” One of the many neighborhood sites Jesus belongs to is the Denver area Next Door site, which He visited recently. Jesus was shocked at the comments he was reading. “Dear God, some of the back and forth reminded me of Holy wars,” said Jesus. “Is that how people are connecting these days? Through semi-anonymous insults? To say the least, I was really disappointed.”

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Residents of Different Religions Come Together to Judge Non-Stapletonians

January 2, 2018 by Staff Writer

Portrait of happy teenage friends sitting and chatting in cafeThe Holiday Season is a great time in the neighborhood, as people of different religious backgrounds come together as one. Whether you are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, agnostic, or an atheist, Stapletonians welcome you with open arms. That is, as long as you are a Stapletonian. “This is the time of year when we need to set aside our differences and understand, we’re all Stapletonians,” said resident Susanna Cox. “Let’s stick together and make sure we are judging everyone else who’s not a Stapletonian. That’s really what this community is about.” Paul Doyle agrees. “Here in Stapleton, backgrounds don’t matter,” said Doyle. “It’s not about race, religion, or anything else. It’s just about being a Stapletonian. Everything else means nothing.”

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