Forrest City Taking “Less Sub, More Urb” Slogan to Whole New Level

Forrest City’s classic Stapleton ad slogan, “Less Sub, More Urb” was once clever, but now has become too much for local residents.  Recently the development company shipped in some street hooligans from Detroit to stage a riot in the town center to give Stapleton that “city feel.”  Forrest City President Phil Dargossi believes this is a necessary step to portray the image they are looking for.  “There are a lot of developments that promise an urban feel, but never deliver,” says Dargossi.  “We are prepared to do whatever it takes, and that includes fabricating and creating street riots.”

The riots were at first amusing to residents, but quickly became annoying.  “We just wanted to go to Chipotle for dinner, but the riots would not end,” said resident Kristi Artz.  “I mean, someone threw a flaming brick at us.  That’s just a little over the top.”  Dargossi was actually hoping for more from the hooligans.  “We were really looking for more overturned vehicles, however, we grossly overestimated the ease of turning over mini-vans and SUV’s.”

Dargossi says that this is just the beginning of bringing an urban feel to Stapleton, as the Forrest City staff has several more ideas.  “One of the things we are looking at is simply removing all of the ‘no direct access to Aurora’ signs.’  This could bring the city feel we are looking for.”  Other things Forrest City is considering include getting some of the teenage street “performers” from the 16th street mall and paying them to hang out in the town center, as well as getting a smog machine to pump out some extra smog.  There is one thing the residents are excited about, however.  “I heard they were considering buying the Broncos from Denver.  It would be nice to have a pro sports team in Stapleton, even if it is the Broncos,” said Artz.  Stapleton residents should be prepared for anything as this community continues to urbanize itself.

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