In his final effort to make things right with the Hispanic community, Romney reached out to them in the only way he knows how: eating at the Stapleton Chipotle. “I want the great Hispanic people of the great state of Colorado and this great nation to know we are very similar,” said Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. “I love burritos, and I know that Mexicans love burritos.” Romney had some struggles when trying to describe exactly what it is he enjoys most about eating a burrito. “Well, I love the uh, different beans as such, and the salsas that can be applied to the burrito, and the cheese. It’s all about the cheese.” Romney went on to discuss other reasons the Hispanic community should favor him as president. “For the Hispanics that are here legally, and are now citizens of this great United States, we are going to shut these borders down,” said Romney. “My guess is, they are just as sick of all these Mexicans coming into this country as I am,” Romney said to the small group of white Stapleton residents that happened to still be standing around in shock that it was Romney and not the President that had showed up. The Romney motorcade showed up in Stapleton around 11:30AM yesterday afternoon causing quite the stir in the town center of the urban community. “We knew it had to be either Romney or the President,” said Udis diner Tim Cox. “I was kind of hoping it would be the President.” Romney is staying in the Stapleton area as is the President in preparation for their first debate this evening at Denver University. Nate O’Hara questioned the efforts of the local police security. “I was wondering to myself how hard they work to protect him considering a lot of them are part of that freeloading half of the country Romney dumped on,” said O’Hara. “I guess it’s their jobs, so they do their best, but they are probably a little pissed he called them lazy, and already wrote them off as potential Romney voters.” The debate this evening will touch on several topics sensitive to Colorado and the nation including immigration, health care, jobs and taxes. “Finally, I will have a chance to get into some of the specifics of my jobs plan,” said Romney. “Without getting too specific, my plan, which I will not go into great detail about, will create 12 million new jobs. Why 12 million? It was just a number that sounded good. What kind of jobs, and will these be American jobs? You’ll have to wait for that until after the election for that kind of detail.” Both sides believe this is the most important election in history, and The Stapletonion agrees, as long as you don’t include the elections of George Washington (nation’s independence), Abraham Lincoln (ended slavery), Franklin Roosevelt (depression), Harry Truman (atomic bomb), and Barak Obama (first black President). ]]>

Forrest City has continued to move forward slowly and cautiously when it comes to the Eastbridge town center. The project was supposed to be completed years ago, but Forrest City recommitted itself to “getting it right.” They eventually put in a much-needed automated car wash, and recently a dentistry moved into the space adjacent to the car wash. Now reports have surfaced that the idea of a grocery store as the anchor has been scrapped. [Read more…] about Forrest City to Place Giant Sculpture in Eastbridge Town Center

At a $50 per plate dinner which included business leaders, local politicians, and influential community leaders, Forrest City President Phil Dargossi said in a speech that, “47% of the community we are never going to make happy. That group is a bunch of entitled douchebags. What we are worried about is that 53%.” The statement was caught on tape by a lowly block captain that happened to be invited to the dinner, and later posted on Youtube. Once it went viral, Forrest City and Dargossi immediately went into damage control. [Read more…] about Caught on Tape: Forrest City President Dargossi Calls 47% of Stapleton Residents “Entitled Douchebags”

The SUN Kickball Tournament is a great way for friends and neighbors to get out, enjoy the day, and play somewhat competitive kickball. Normally, the tournament goes off without a hitch, but this year, with the regular kickball referees striking, the tournament was filled with bad calls, angry competitors, and overall chaos. “We apologize to all the hard working competitors,” said SUN President Mike Victoria. “We tried to meet the demands of the usual kickball refs, but alas, the demands were not in line with what we as an organization were willing to meet.” [Read more…] about Replacement Kickball Refs Blow Several Calls at SUN Tournament

President Barak Obama made a surprise visit to the Stapleton firehouse two weeks ago while in Denver. He originally planned on a simple morning workout, but decided to spend the day with the firemen. The day began with Obama showing up at about 6:30AM when Obama decided to lead the workout for the fireman. “It was probably the hardest workout I have ever been through,” said fireman James Barry. “It was a mix of a boot camp, P90X, and CrossFit. He called it ‘Domination Obamanation.’ I am still sore.” President Obama says that he takes his workouts very seriously. “The American people should know that I am always working hard for them. Whether it is in the White House, on a diplomatic mission, or in the gym.” [Read more…] about President Spends Day with Stapleton Firefighters: Workout, Coffee, and Grocery Shopping

Stapleton residents have strong feelings about Havana and Iola becoming through streets and connecting Stapleton directly to Aurora. Most are concerned with increased traffic, and drivers not obeying speed limits or being sensitive to the fact that lots of small children and dogs roam free in Stapleton. “How much closer can they really make Stapleton and Aurora,” asks angry resident Justin Marion. “Is it that big of a deal to go around and take the Bluff Lake route? It’s ridiculous.” [Read more…] about Aurorans Believe Havana Can Become Great “Get-a-Way Street”

Children all over Stapleton suffer from a variety of food allergies including peanut butter, milk, shellfish, tree nuts, egg, fin fish, strawberry, and soy. These allergies affect roughly 4% of all children. Because of this high percentage, schools need to take precautions to make sure this group of kids is not exposed to the items they are allergic to. The schools alone can only do so much. [Read more…] about Stapleton Schools Release List of Approved Snacks

The successful The Bachelor spinoff Bachelor Pad is branching off from including only former contestants and fans, to going to specific neighborhoods and getting singles from those neighborhoods to move into one residence. “We are combining the success or Bachelor Pad with other popular shows like Real Housewives and The Real World,” said executive producer Mitch Runyan. “This neighborhood seems like it could literally explode any minute, and we want to be here for it.” Runyan says that the show did casting in over 100 different neighborhoods across the country, but realized that Stapleton was the most made for TV. “First of all, people are familiar with the neighborhood because of other popular shows like Real Housewives of Stapleton and of course when Casey Anthony won the HGTV Home in Stapleton.” Runyan also thinks the proximity of homes and anyone in Stapleton’s ability to connect with someone else in two steps makes for great TV. “They are hanging on by a thread here,” says Runyan. “And the best part is, we will have divorcees in the house, and their ex still lives in the community. Can you believe that? This is just great.” Bachelor Pad Stapleton: The Divorced Edition, is still looking for cast members. Those who audition must be divorced or going through a divorce, live in Stapleton, be over 32, and preferably have a spouse living in Stapleton. Kids are not allowed in the home, but cast members will only be required to stay in the house three nights a week. For more information, go to www.bachelorpad-stapleton.com ]]>