Denver public school students have been working hard all year. They are up early and in the classroom learning by 8:15. They go to school five days a week, except for half of the day on Friday. Then, I guess, they recently had Labor Day off as well as two other days in September. Their next full day off will not be until this Friday and then the following Monday (Halloween). That’s a lot of days to be at school. In fact, according to the public school calendar, kids are in school for 171 days. That’s almost half of a year. Some of those are half days, and of course, there are going to be sick days, and inevitably parents are going to sign their kids out of school for vacation or other events. But in the end, kids are still spending over 40% of their days in school. Is it time we considered a few more breaks for the kids? [Read more…] about Halloween Gives Stapleton Students Much-Needed Break

Send in pictures of your child, you, or your family to The Stapletonion, and if we publish your submissions in our November 9^th issue, you will receive a free Stapletonion tee shirt(s).  The photos must be of you or your family, and we will not accept any photos of pets being dressed up. The Stapletonion does not take a stance on gun ownership, the death penalty, or taxes, but on something as important as dressing up pets, we have to say NO. Please send photos to: Stapletonion@gmail.com, with the subject line “Halloween.” Thank you in advance for your submissions. And yes, that’s our #1 staff writer dressed up and ready for some Halloween action!]]>

At roughly 2:33 PM on September 30^th, a nightmare occurred in the EaWe neighborhood of Stapleton that lasted for about three hours. Power was dead.  Flat screen TVs, iPad chargers, Nintendo Wii Systems, and automatic can openers all rendered useless. 911 fielded hundreds of calls in a matter of minutes from concerned residents. “We were very concerned about what authorities were going to do about the “Aurora problem,” said EaWe resident Jamie Cox.  “How safe were our families? Does power lock my doors or is my security alarm affected by this?” Authorities did react quickly to the middle class voting community by quickly sealing off the streets of Havana from the south as well as Central Park Blvd.  “The safety of EaWe and the Stapleton community is our top priority,” said Denver Police chief Gerald Whitman. “We know that a lot of people in this community voted for and some even had yard signs promoting Mayor Hancock.” Due to the quick actions of EaWe residents in calling the police, and the actions of the police themselves, no Aurorans made it into EaWe. There were reports of some Aurora hoodlums climbing the fence that is near the “future” 26^th street park, but by then it was too late. Power was restored and the community was safe again. In the end, no structural or property damage had been done, but strong emotional damage had set in. “There should be something in place regarding safety procedures if this happens again,” said Kate Swanson. “Do I contact my block captain?  My SUN rep? The police again?” The Stapletonion has learned through its sources that SUN has already formed a sub-committee to create a manual to follow if an emergency situation like this occurs again.]]>

Although the Stapleton King Soopers is criticized for several things, there is one thing that annoys those forced to shop there due to no alternative than anything else:  people not returning their carts.  It affects the parking spaces, bangs up unsuspecting cars, and most of all, simply irritates people that other people are that lazy. [Read more…] about New Technology has King Soopers Carts Insulting Those Not Returning Them

As construction winds down on the Central Park Blvd. Bridge, residents are cautiously excited about the possibility of discovering a world outside of Stapleton.  Long since whispered about when someone newly arrives to the neighborhood this “real world” remains a mystery. “Look, life is great here” noted resident Greg Asbee, “but sometimes I wonder. What is beyond the northern creek? Why does the air smell like cow poop every January?  And where does the Mexican lady who cleans my house come from? ” [Read more…] about Central Park Bridge Expected to Connect Stapleton to Real World

The practice of flying a college flag off the front porch during football season has led to serious acrimony between neighbors on one Stapleton block. SUN is considering forming an ad hoc committee to investigate the practice and see whether it should be banned altogether. “My neighbor across the street has a Stanford flag hanging off his front porch. The guy is a total idiot and his kids are even dumber. Call me suspicious. There’s no way he could have made it at a school like that,” said Ken Seery who lives on Verbena Street. Seery said he has been unable to determine whether his neighbor, Jon McGovern, attended Stanford. An inquiry to the university alumni department has not been answered. [Read more…] about College Flags Lead to Neighborhood Strife

Hordes of feral children roamed Stapleton’s parks and swimming pools Saturday as officials admitted that there is little they can to battle the infestation.  “They’re a menace,” complained one local resident. “You see them everywhere you go. Even the restaurants seem to have more children than patrons these days.” The unprecedented problem has grown so bad that the local bike trails have become congested with menacing packs of two, sometime three children trailing after each resident. At night, their piercing cries shatter the stillness of the evening.  Although these children are typically wary of humans and very rarely bite, they are known to harbor diseases and are extremely contagious. Residents are warned not to pet or feed any stray children encountered in the wild. Sadly, most residents have simply learned to live with problem. [Read more…] about Stapleton Residents Terrorized by Massive Child Infestation

The Stapleton community is excited about the new birthing center opening in August 2012 in EaWe where a school was originally to be located. The new center, which is yet to be named, will have amenities that will blow away anything Rose and St. Joes currently offer. Most importantly, Stapleton residents will finally be able to stop arguing over which hospital is best to have a baby. The new number one will offer a state of the art experience, where the doctor stays in the delivery room from the beginning of labor to birth.  Rooms will also come standard with flat screen televisions, Nintendo Wiis, Bose iPod docking stations, iPads, and the fastest wireless internet connection around. [Read more…] about State of the Art Birthing Center to Open in Stapleton