The SUN Education Expo erupted into chaos and mayhem Thursday night, as long-simmering tensions surrounding the planned overhaul of elementary school admissions finally boiled over. Within hours, warring factions of enraged parents had taken to the streets in a pitched battle over educational preferences for their children, and Stapleton appeared to be on the brink of a full-scale civil war.
Central Park West residents quickly claimed Stapleton’s high ground by occupying the Airport Control Tower, while Eastbridge residents began building a massive barricade at the site of their nonexistent town center. The barricade appeared to be constructed primarily of discarded toys, barely-used children’s clothes that no longer fit, and old furniture that had been relegated to area basements after Ikea opened in Centennial.
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New Through Traffic Disruptive to Quiet Aurora Neighborhood
Aside from the occasional gun fire, car chases, police sirens, and fireworks, the area of Aurora bordering Stapleton is a quiet neighborhood. But now that the through streets are allowing Stapleton residents to speed through to cut a little time off their trips to Costco, Aurorans have found their sometimes peaceful neighborhood has become a little less peaceful. “We have definitely noticed an increase in traffic,” said Megan Glynn. “It has been disruptive to our community.” Megan said that most of the damage is emotional. “You see them driving by in their expensive SUVs not even making eye contact with us. I bet when they drive in Stapleton, they acknowledge others around them. When they drive through here, it’s obvious they are just trying to get through without even smiling.”
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King Soopers So Nice, We’re Getting it Twice!
Forest City has confirmed to The Stapletonion that King Soopers will be exercising its contractual first right of refusal and will be putting a grocery store in what will eventually be the Eastbridge Town Center. “We are very excited to continue our strong partnership with King Soopers,” said Forest City President Phil Dargossi. “King Soopers has been a great asset to this community, and we know they will build another great store which residents will really appreciate.”
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Stapleton Wives Still Enjoy Dressing Slutty on Halloween
Halloween has long been a favorite holiday of the single crowd. It is another excuse to have parties and drink in excess, which everyone likes, plus you get to be creative and dress up and not be judged (that much). And for those who want to attract members of the opposite sex, Halloween gives them a chance to show a little more skin than usual. “Halloween is great,” remarked local resident Sandy Thompson. “Everyone is in a good mood and you talk about your costumes instead of work. Plus, it has no religious implications, so you don’t have to deal with that stuff either. So overall, just a great Holiday.”
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Stapleton Residents Petition Forest City: “Stop Cockblocking Eastbridge Towncenter”
Residents across Stapleton and specifically of the Eastbridge and Bluff Lake communities were inspired and awed upon learning of the series of amazingly unique, local, and creative options that have been repeatedly trying to gain footing in the Eastbridge towncenter, then frustrated to learn that they had all been turned away by the developer.
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Most Stapleton Halloween “Decorations” Meant to Scare off Aurora Intruders
If you have been around the Stapleton neighborhood lately, you would have noticed the high percentage of homes festively decorated for Halloween. But at a closer look, one will recall that many of these homes have been decorated since early September. “Once I heard the through streets were coming soon, I started taking additional precautions,” said Stapleton resident Tim Clark. Clark said that he already has quality dead bolts as well as a security system, but wanted to add a little something extra. “It kind of started as a joke. My wife and I saw some Halloween decorations back in September and we teased that maybe we could use the decorations to stave off potential intruders. Then we realized that it wasn’t that bad of an idea.”
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Stapleton Moms Costume Black Market Hurting Halloween City
Halloween City located in Northfield is used to getting lots of traffic and selling hundreds of thousands of dollars in Halloween decorations, party favors, and costumes. But this year, business has been considerably slower. “We have been getting the foot traffic, but not the purchases,” said Halloween City store manager Mike Huisman. “We are thinking about charging a cover,” joked Mike. “People are walking in, looking around for an hour, and then just buying some cheap stickers or something.”
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MCA Shutdown Disrupts Perfect Stapleton Living
The Stapleton MCA shut down last week over a dispute with the City of Denver and Forest City. “We decided it wasn’t in the community’s best interests to have all these through streets to Aurora,” said MCA President Liza Kampstra. “We are aware that this decision was made well over a year ago, but we still don’t like it, and therefore, are going to do everything we can to prevent what has already happened from happening, if that makes sense.”
Due to the MCA shutdown, pocket parks have not been mowed, flowers and plants in the town center have gone unkempt, and all markets and concerts are being canceled unless an agreement can take place. “We simply want the city to negotiate with us,” said Kampstra. “And by negotiate, I mean do exactly what we are asking, which is to close these through streets.” Kampstra and the MCA are hoping that the disturbance caused by its shutdown will urge Stapleton residents to contact city officials and let them know they no longer want the through streets.
“This is pretty annoying,” said resident John Clifford. “I mean, no one really wanted the through streets in the first place, but it is part of progress, and we all knew it was happening over a year ago and have already mentally adjusted to it. I don’t know why the MCA is doing this.” Other residents agree. “If the MCA had a problem with the city on this, they should have dealt with it two years ago,” said Stacey Frazier. “And if they did, and nothing happened, too bad. You lost. We all need to move on. No need to have the great residents of Stapleton suffer.”
Kampstra says that the shutdown will continue until they get their way, whether or not residents agree with it. “Residents must understand that we are doing this for them. It’s not about us, it is about the Stapleton residents. Sure, they have already adapted to the streets going through, but hopefully we can completely reverse this.” City officials have stated that they are not going to negotiate, and that the streets have been approved and been in motion for over two years. “The streets went through the proper approval method, and were physically built,” said city official Dan McCool. There is no going back at this point.” Stapleton residents will have to deal with the inconveniences, but potentially may look for different MCA leadership in the future.
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