A comprehensive study recently conducted by the University of Colorado concluded what many Stapleton residents have known for years: residents in the Nantucket Close are significantly better than everyone else. The study looked at several factors including appearance, income, intelligence, athleticism, musical ability, artistic ability, and even charisma. “We scored each one of these categoriess, and then had a comprehensive score, which we call a person’s Clooney Score,” said Dr. Chris Frazier of the University. “The highest score one can get is 1000. The average Nantucket Close resident scores an 894, the average Stapleton resident scores a 637, and an average American would score 482. In Nebraska, the average person is a 268.”
None of this comes as a shock to anyone, including the scientists. “No matter how strong a hypothesis is, it must be proven,” said Dr. Frazier. “It gives the subject some sort of closure, and we can move on to other important studies, such as whether or not women prefer tall or short men.” Residents in the Nantucket Close participated in the study willingly, and are pleased with the conclusion. “We have known this for a while, and talked about it amongst ourselves,” said Close resident Dana Rowell. “We are hoping Forrest City takes note of this and adds to the 10 security guards we already have posted in front of our private drive.”
If you happen to see a Nantucket Close resident, you should not look them in the eye but do greet them with a slight bow.]]>