After almost seven years investigating the suspicious activity of the Yahoo! Group Stapleton Moms, the FBI has handed down hundreds of indictments to women all across this upper middle class community in Denver. For almost a decade, Stapleton Moms has been under the guise of selling used items, asking for advice, commenting on local politics, and certainly some complaining along the way. Turns out, a vast majority of these discussions were codes for a vast crime organization.
“This was probably the most complex case we have ever had to make,” says lead FBI investigator Jake Huff. “From the intricate structure of the organization, the number of members, and for the incredible amount of illegal activity they were involved in.” Finding the key players and getting these ‘moms’ to crack also proved challenging. “The loyalty within this group is incredible,” says Huff. “We put immense pressure on some of the outlying members and they stuck to the path, and kept their stories straight.”
Stapleton Moms accused ring leader Kate McFarlane issued a statement through one of her five Stapleton attorneys claiming, “…these accusations are false, and we intend to prove that in a court of law…The Stapleton Mom’s Yahoo! Group has been nothing more than what we intended it to be, and that is a resource for our local parents.”
Agent Huff knows that this could be one of the most challenging trials he has been involved with. “They have a large defense budget, defense team, and extremely loyal followers. Plus, the jury is going to be faced with convicting what appear to be simple, middle class moms.”
Agent Huff was reluctant to tell members of the media too much about its case, however did list several of the Stapleton Moms codes and what they intend to prove they meant. The Stapletonion has agreed to partner with the FBI in learning more about these secret codes. If you have knowledge of more of these codes, please email them to The Stapletonion at Stapletonion@gmail.com and we will publish them in the next issue. The FBI thanks you for your cooperation.
Code & Intended Meaning
- FS: Rocking horse: Seller has ‘rock’ or ‘crack’ for interested buyers
- WTB: a crib: Buyer interested in finding suitable prostitute
- FS: Wii games: ‘Seller’ is taking bets on upcoming sporting events
- Looking for a BOB: Buyer interested in purchasing marijuana
- SAHM: Looking for a nanny : Buyer interested in bootleg alcohol
Going green is important for our environment and it can certainly make you feel good when you do your part. Using a kegorator as opposed to buying bottles and cans, recycling, driving a hybrid, and carefully monitoring your water use are all examples of what individuals can do. There are also drawbacks to going green.
Recently, new signs have been popping up in Stapleton neighborhoods in an effort to slow traffic. There are still an abundance of the 
With banks finally willing to loan homebuyers a few bucks, Stapleton homes are once again flying off the shelf like flapjacks. Some buyers are new to Stapleton, moving to Bluff Lake in Eastbridge looking for better schools for their kids, and of course they await the much anticipated town center “opening next year.”
Many of the buyers already live in Stapleton, however. They have grown tired of their old model, bored of the same routine, painting, and architecture, and ache for the excitement they once had with their first Stapleton home. 
After almost a three decade struggle, the committee in charge of relegating “really fun age” status to children succumbed to the pressure of thousands of parents giving six to eight month olds the coveted status. “My daughter is now 23,” says Barbara Miller who was one of the thousands of parents petitioning for years to change the status. “I still remember when she was that age, and people saying that it was ‘kind of a tough age’ but I always thought it was really fun. So, I joined the fight.”
A prominent Stapleton book club has turned the page, pulled the cork, and decided to become a wine club. Members report that the reading material has been well written, but really depressing. Recent selections include The Help, Room, Any Country Song, and The Economy.
The book club members took turns hosting the gatherings in their homes. Each member also took turns picking the next book to read.
Now, each member will pick a varietal, and the host will provide cheese and crackers as palate cleansers. 
What the hell is that bump on the bridge on East MLK? Is it a speed bump very poorly placed? Did the constant patrolling and speed traps not slow people down? Please tell me this was simply a road construction error that will be fixed.
Was it placed there to help spill people’s drinks? Is it there so that kids can scream “whoa!” every time they go over it? Are we creating a getaway for the Duke boys? Are we adding another place for skateboarders to practice their moves? Is there a car race coming this SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!? Maybe we are preparing for a revival of the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show?
If I was a builder or a real estate agent in Stapleton I would really hate this thing. Who is going to want to live in East Stapleton if every time they go anywhere they have to drive over that thing. Maybe this is a distraction for residents to stop thinking about unfinished parks, no town center, and no school in Eastbridge. If so, well done. Very, very well done. ]]> 