Issue 154

Eastbridge Neighbors Losing Touch After Soopers Opening

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The Eastbridge King Soopers has been open for a few months now, and overall, the “new” grocer is a big success. The store has more options in line with what the Stapleton consumer is looking for. The new Soopers has added more organic options, local produce, a salad and sushi bar, a Bistro, authentic Mexican street food, and even a natural body care section. These additions have most certainly helped the image of Soopers in the minds of Stapleton residents who had for years been disappointed in the management of the Quebec Soopers. “The choices do seem to be a lot better,” said Eastbridge resident Brooke Mercaldo. “Heck, my kids even enjoy going there now for the mini-carts. Those things are so damn cute.” Holly McFarlane agrees. “I’m not ashamed to admit I have had a couple sandwiches from the Bistro and they are pretty good,” said McFarlane. “And inexpensive. Sushi is pretty solid as well. I never thought I would say this, but well done, Soopers.”

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“Sky is Blue” Posting Causes Major Fight on Next Door

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Last week Kelly Sturcke noticed a lot of vitriol coming from the popular neighborhood social media site “Next Door.” “It seemed like anything that was posted caused a fight,” said Sturcke. “Sometimes, it appears as if the post was meant to cause a fight. Maybe people are so lonely or bored they are posting things just so a fight or disagreement starts and then they can follow the evil banter like a soap opera. I just find it hard to believe that people would be so naïve to think posting some of these things wouldn’t start a fair amount of disagreement. Maybe not what the intended purpose was for ‘Next Door.’” Sturcke knew she wouldn’t be able to make comments on any of the “argument posts” that would end the conversations in a positive way, but thought she may be able to make a change by making her own post that everyone could get behind.

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Cold Weather Causes Stapleton Swap Servers to Crash

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Last weekend, Denver experienced some colder than usual weather for September with temperatures reaching the mid 40’s. There was rain in Denver, and snow in the mountains. Residents all over Stapleton used the cold weather as an excuse to lay around, watch football, let the kids play on their electrocnial devices and just take it easy. But, for the women of Stapleton, the cold weather was a wakeup call. “I was sitting there looking out the window, when I thought, ‘holy sh#t, my kids don’t have any cold weather clothes that fit,’” said Stapleton mom Linsey Corkery. “I need to figure this out, or my kids will freeze to death.” Linsey immediately went to her most trusted source of used quality kids clothing items, the community Facebook site Stapleton Swap. “I started pouring through posts trying to find stuff for my kids,” said Corkery. “I found some good stuff, then I realized this was a great time for me to get rid of stuff that no longer fit my kids.” Many other moms began doing the same thing. In fact, too many as it turns out.” The extreme concentrated traffic on Stapelton Swap caused the site to temporarily crash. “I was posting tens of items, and all of the sudden I got a message that said, ‘location not found,’” said Stapleton Swap member Jennifer Palmer. “It was extremely frustrating. I was making deals all over the place. It kind of messed my mojo up, if even just for a short time.” The site was back up and running within 10 minutes. According to Swap moderator Christine Frazier, tens of thousands of transactions were completed over the cold, rainy weekend. “It was a great weekend for Swap,” said Frazier. “That’s the purpose of the site. Letting upper middle class people buy great stuff at low income prices. People were making great deals all over the place. Now, whether or not items are ever picked up, well that part is out of our hands. We’re not Amazon.” Stapleton Swap continues to be the best way to bundle up your kids for the winter.

Stapleton Schools to Completely Phase Out Actual Events from Field Day

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PTA member Dawn Walsworth. “Kids were doing lots of running and jumping and throwing. Winners of events were even getting recognized. Things were getting out of hand.” Swigert PTA member Robin Harris also noticed things weren’t moving in the right direction regarding field day. “Too many kids weren’t winning,” said Harris. “Sure, we never had trophies or ribbons, but people who were running the events were recognizing those who were winning, and that just wasn’t a good example for the kids.” The team of six PTA mothers from various Stapleton schools got together to discuss a solution for the increasingly competitive field days. “The first thing we needed to do was get rid of any actual sport-type events,” said Westerly Creek PTA parent Tracey Lembeck. “This couldn’t be done overnight or in a year, so we needed take away one at a time and then replace it with a non-traditional field day activity. For example, we got rid of a relay race and replaced it with a popsicle eating station. And each year, we do that with one or two events. By next year, everything will be a guessing game, or a treat station, or some leisurely activity. We are really excited things have progressed so well.”

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Stapleton Five Year Old Already Outgrowing New F*cking Pajamas

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Stapleton five year old Beckett Shannon just turned five a month ago, yet that little f*cker is already outgrowing brand new pajamas his mom purchased for him. “It’s really frustrating,” said mom Nancy. “I mean, they are such cute pajamas, and they say ‘5’ on them. The first time he put them on, they fit totally fine. And now, it looks like I have been drying them constantly for a week. When do kids stop growing? This is getting annoying and expensive.” Nancy says this seems to be happening more frequently now than at other points of Beckett’s life. “I’m aware kids grow,” said Nancy. “But, we usually get some wear out of things, then get some new stuff. It seems like we are just getting something, and suddenly, that stuff doesn’t fit him, after wearing it once or twice. I mean, what’s the point anymore.” Nancy says she will continue to buy clothes for her child, but may be more economical about it. “I think I may go Stapleton Swap only,” said Nancy. “You can get quality items on there for almost nothing. Right now, I’m the one giving away brand new items for basically nothing. I want to be on the other end of this thing.” So, if you have 6/7 pajamas to get rid of, please post on Swap as soon as you can. 

Stapleton Man Resents Friend No Longer Needing Babysitters

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John Ubben and Duane Koellner have been Stapleton friends for 10 years. They go golfing, go to games, and have nights out with their wives. “We’ve spent a lot of time together over the years,” said Ubben. “We’re fairly like-minded, so we have a lot of fun and never have to worry about boring conversations.” Although Ubben and Koellner are about the same age, Ubben has young kids, five and seven, and Koellner has a 16 year old and a 14 year old. “We never really do much as families, because obviously the age difference is too big,” said Koellner. “In fact, my daughter babysits their kids sometimes.” Most Stapleton friendships are forged on having kids around the same age(s) that can keep each other distracted for a while, but these couples make time for each other without their kids. Recently, however, Ubben has become a little resentful.

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Residents Given Opportunity To Contribute To A Great Cause

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Join fellow do-gooders – New Perspective Real Estate and The Stapletonion, in collecting food for the Food Bank of the Rockies and local school pantries. Hunger is a serious issue, and not just for Colorado’s stoners struggling with the munchies. Here are some creative ideas to donate to this worthy cause: Clear out all the protein shakes, quinoa, and chia seeds that were necessary for your last health kick, OR Clear out the Rotel & Velveeta you bought for Football Sundays, OR Head to Target or King Soopers and pat yourself on the back for cleverly DOUBLE donating: non-perishable goods for the food drive AND 5% of your purchase to the school of your choice. Boom! Next, take food items to your nearest drop-off location. To be sure you get credit for your admirable generosity, post plenty of selfies of yourself hoisting donations into the barrel… the more bags, the better! And don’t be afraid to Like your own post…you know, to help spread the word. Donation barrels can be found at the following awesome businesses:

Schools will be collecting for their food pantries and include:

Special thanks to our sponsors helping behind the scenes: Etai’s, First Integrity Title Co., Ben Gehde-Home Mortgage Alliance, North American Title, Stapleton Home Services and The Stapletonion. If dropping off is too difficult, look for a white & blue paper grocery bag to be delivered to your home on September 30th, fill it from your pantry (go back to creative ideas) and leave on your front porch by 9 am on Saturday, October 7th, and volunteers will come around to collect it. And speaking of volunteers…. Volunteers Needed NPRE is looking for volunteers to help with the drop off and pick up of the donation bags. This is a great way to get your family involved in a wonderful cause, and kids love running to the doors to drop off and pick up the bags. (Caution them not to ring the doorbell, though, lest they wind up on Facebooks’ Stapleton Community Watch  page for their antics, bringing shame to the entire family.) The more volunteers the better! Volunteers for the drop off will receive lunch from Micis on Saturday, September 30th. Volunteers for the pickup will receive breakfast and coffee from Etais on Saturday, October 7th. For more information, and to volunteer, please sign up at www.StapletonFoodDrive.com. Finally, the easiest way to donate is to pull out your credit card. Click here to go to the Food Bank of the Rockies or our website.