Issue 138

For some weeks now, there has been speculation that the Eastbridge King Soopers opening would be delayed until June. The disappointing news has recently been confirmed by King Soopers. “We had things come up at some other stores unexpectedly,” said Soopers spokesperson Kaela Gordon. “So, we are simply shifting money away from the Eastbridge project and moving it towards the projects where that money is needed. Thank you so much for your understanding.” Gordon went on to dumb down the explanation further by putting it in terms residents could understand. “It’s exactly like a household budget,” said Gordon. “Sometimes, your water heater breaks, so now you have to get it fixed. But now, that $2000 can’t go towards another project you were considering. It makes sense, right?” Sort of. Except King Soopers is a subsidiary of Kroger, which has revenues of about $110 billion and a net income of about $2 billion. So, in the “household budget” comparison, it would be as if the person who had a water heater go out, also had wealthy parents who could easily afford to help pay for the water heater and simply ask the money eventually be paid back free of interest. The explanation isn’t sitting well with Eastbridge residents. “I guess I feel like if they really wanted to, they could have found the money somewhere,” said frustrated Eastbridge resident Owen Kurtz. “Kroger is a huge company. They could have figured something out.” Jim Townsend agrees. “They have to just be jerking us around, right?” said Townsend. “No way they don’t have the money or don’t have a way of figuring it out. It doesn’t make any sense.” Gordon is assuring residents the Eastbridge store, originally supposed to open this fall, will be completed, most likely early this summer. However, residents are convinced there will be more delays. “Honestly, I am looking forward to their next dumbed down excuse of an explanation,” said Kurtz. So are we.]]>

For over a decade, Stapleton has been considered a neighborhood in the City of Denver. Stapletonians take pride in living in the city and do not want to be considered a suburb. However, this has caused lots of confusion in regards to weather. “If you read the paper or watch the news, I of course look at the Denver weather,” said Stapleton resident Sam Titus. “The problem is it is never even close to accurate. When I leave Stapleton, I feel like it ends up being correct, but the weather is always nicer in Stapleton. The Denver forecasts seemed to be right, but I always felt Stapleton needed its own forecast.” Resident Heather Adams agrees. “I’m a stay at home mom, and I can almost always just count on weather being perfect in Stapleton,” said Adams. “If I’m leaving the hood, I always look into how the weather is going to be, but you can pretty much bank on the weather in Stapleton being perfect.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Finally Gets Own Weather Designation from Local News Teams

In the last two years, there have been a handful of gang “tagging” incidences in Stapleton, but none more brash than the recent “tagging” of the old control tower, which of course is being renovated into a Punch Bowl Social. The ground war between rival gangs to control the Stapleton area, essentially anything East of Quebec, West of Havana, and North of Montview and South of 56th, is beginning to heat up. “Denver gangs see the Stapleton area as a huge opportunity to move into emerging markets in the world of organized crime,” said DPD Gang Task Force Agent Kevin Klingman. “One of the main reasons for this is all of the black market trading already going on on sites like Stapleton Swap. They know there is money to be had here.” [Read more…] about Tagland: Understanding the Gang War for the Stapleton Territory

Stapleton dad Kyle Myerholz has three kids, seven, nine, and 11. Over the years, the kids have accumulated many bikes, scooters, balls, and toys which are never appropriately put away in the family’s garage. So every morning when Kyle goes out to get into his truck, he inevitably steps on something on his way to work. “Every god damn morning, I’m tripping over something,” said Kyle. “It’s extremely frustrating. We have places to put all this shit. And the kids are old enough to know better.” Kyle has tried incentivizing the kids to put their things away. “We’ve tried telling them that we would get rid of stuff they didn’t put away, but they never believe it. Plus, we paid for it, so we are only hurting ourselves. We’ve also tried rewarding them with extra time on their tablets if we saw things were put away in the right places, but that has only come up a couple of times. We don’t know what to do.” Kyle finally reached a breaking point, however. Last week, while walking around to get into his truck, he tripped over a scooter, which banged his knee and also knocked over a bike which scratched his car. “I was so pissed,” exclaimed Kyle. “I kicked the scooter away, and threw the bike out of the way. It was then that I promised myself, if I tripped over another bike or scooter, I was going to kill somebody.” Kyle was not specific as to whether that person would be a family member or a random passerby, but those who occasionally encounter Kyle should use extreme caution. ]]>

The Harves family has a four year old son and a one year old daughter. Both parents, Steve and Angi, are working parents, so they have needed the help of a nanny since their son was born. “We originally had a nanny-share, which was great,” says Angi. “The timing with the other Stapleton family worked out well, it was nice for our baby to have a little friend, and the nanny was really good.” This situation worked for over a year until the nanny decided to take a teaching job. “We knew it wasn’t going to be forever, but it was still hard to see her go,” said Angi. The families then hired another nanny who worked for both families for about another year. “Again, that system worked out well, but both of us were pregnant with another child so knew we would have to go our own direction. So, after we had our second, we had to start looking for a new nanny. The process is always stressful.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Family Certain New Nanny Will “Work Out Great”

Stapleton five year old Kyle Graham is a normal Stapleton child in almost every way. He enjoys playing with his friends, riding his bike, playing with his toys, and watching movies. Like most kids, he also eats a lot of chicken nuggets. A LOT of chicken nuggets. In fact, Kyle has eaten chicken nuggets for 43 days in a row. “I like them,” said Kyle when asked why he eats so many chicken nuggets. “I like catsup, and I like that they are shaped like dinosaurs. They taste good in my belly.” Kyle’s mom Kristen isn’t concerned about her son’s chicken nugget diet. “It’s not like that’s the only thing he eats at all,” said Kristen. “And it’s not like every meal. He has a different breakfast, then nuggets for dinner or lunch. And of course, eats something else the other meal. So, not that big of a deal.” Nutritionist Dr. Adam Keating agrees. “It’s really not that big of a deal at this age,” said Keating. “The bigger issue would be just getting them to be more adventurous and trying different things so they don’t develop it as a serious, long-term habit. It won’t be as healthy as they get older, but for now, it’s not going to destroy his health.” Mom Kristen says she will eventually start weaning him off of them. “Pretty soon, we will go down to four days a week, then three and so on.” Kristen says she has no intention of having Kyle go for the record. “I have no idea if there is a record for eating nuggets so many days in a row. Whether there is or not, we won’t be going for it.” ]]>

There are some things in life a bottle of whiskey just can’t fix. I realized that about 1:30 this morning while sitting on my porch, disgusted and distraught. Less than half of Americans (Hillary won the popular vote, plus third party voters) decided reality TV star and real estate mogul Donald Trump should be our next President, but that was enough. This bizarre election season finished the way we should have predicted; with an even more capricious ending. More votes were cast (roughly 200,000 more) by Clinton supporters who are surely as shocked and dismayed as I am. Many of these voters are from cities, where issues such as crime, poverty, and inequality are pronounced, which makes it is easier to see the need for Americans to have a more liberal viewpoint. To those voters (of which I am), I am sorry for this difficult defeat. But, there are voters who live in rural areas across the country who blocked out the noise, looked at the big picture and not just their small towns, did their research, and understood a Clinton presidency was the right direction for our country, given the choices. A majority of their friends and neighbors across their towns and in their industry were supporting Trump, and they would have to be polite or private in regards to their politics. They knew their vote may not matter, but they also understood the importance of being counted, and maybe for simply knowing they did the right thing. I feel significantly more pain for these voters. [Read more…] about Presidential Election: That Seriously Just Happened?