Stapleton HOAs have been extremely lenient since the inception of the committee at the beginning of the Stapleton Community. Residents have been allowed to own farm animals, build gazebos, have high fences, paint the trim on their houses, and even park motor homes in front of their homes for extended periods of time. All of this with the HOAs looking the other way. Not anymore, says new HOA president Kate Weber.
“The HOA has been ignoring issues in Stapleton for far too long now,” says Weber. “The holiday season is the perfect time to start enforcing our rules. If we don’t have rules, the next thing you know people will have their cars up on blocks and we will look like a bunch of Missourians.”
The Stapleton HOA handbook is about 1300 pages, and is organized by infraction types such as animals, paint, noise, vehicles, and yes, there is a Christmas section. “We are not trying to put a damper on the holidays,” says Weber. “We simply want people to decorate their homes in a way that will not offend anyone.”
For a full list of holiday decorating rules, contact your block captain. Here are some of the key items:
- No colored lights outside of your home. Stapleton is a classy community, and only white lights should be used.
- No manger scenes. Although we all can agree there was a Jesus, his historical significance can hardly be agreed upon by all residents.
- No reindeer without antlers. All of Santas reindeer are males, and therefore, should be depicted accurately.
- No oversized outdoor bulbs.
- No lights on trees that have a diameter of less than nine inches.
- You must choose between flashing and non-flashing holiday lights. You may not have both.
- If your neighbors on either side of you put up lights, you must as well.
Nancy King and her husband Matt have been married for nine years now, with many of those years being unhappy ones. They have two children, Abi a six year old, and Andrew a four year old. They both love their children, and know that it is not healthy to raise them in an unhappy home. So why do they stay together?
“We have realized that raising kids is a lot of work,” says Nancy. “As much as I sometimes despise Matt, he is good with the kids and is very helpful. I could never afford help like that if we were divorced.” 
Parsons Construction is handling the construction on 29th and Central Park Blvd. where a lot of changes are being made including tearing up the area to make way for stop lights. Drivers have been slightly inconvenienced because they have had to slow down a little, and have been forced to pay attention to the road instead of their phones. Runners have had to cross over from the median and run on the sidewalk for a few blocks until they could get back on the trail on 29th Street.
Parsons won the bid from the city and we are assured they are doing their best. The road work itself has not angered residents so much as the sign at the end of the construction project which appears to be thanking Stapleton residents.
Jim Farrell is confused as to what the sign is implying. “Why are they thanking us,” asks Farrell. “We did not award them the contract. The residents didn’t vote for the project. Are they expecting a “your welcome” when we drive by? I just don’t get it.” 
Prior to the construction of the new Central Park Blvd. exit on I-70, Northfield Businesses were optimistic that the new exit would draw more shoppers. That optimism has now faded, as drivers and shoppers continue to pass on by leaving the Northfield Mall unaffected by the new interchange.
“We had really hoped to see a spike in business,” said Claire’s Boutique Owner Sandy Stevens. “Unfortunately, all we see are cars driving right through these annoying turnabouts on their way to Target. 
The Yahoo group Stapleton Moms has long been a place for Stapleton parents to sell items, buy items, ask for parenting advice, break a local news story, call out neighbors, and even make semi-racist comments. All of these are well within the realm of what is okay for the Stapleton Moms format. There is one area that is off-limits which has recently been challenged: Politics. 
We have all seen them. Stapleton runners who refuse to let the cold impede on their daily running schedule. We all realize the importance of exercise, but these people run at 6AM when it is 12 degrees and the wind is blowing at 25 miles per hour. The worst part of it is, it is not gender or age specific. I have seen a 55 year old woman running in temperatures that are the main reason treadmills were invented.
Now Stapleton residents are getting fed up. “I am totally fine with people running outside when it is 40 degrees or higher,” says resident Dan Olson. “What I am not fine with is driving to the gym in freezing temperatures to run on the treadmill only to see twenty different people running outside. It makes me feel like a wimp, and I shouldn’t have to feel like that.” 
Typically, The Stapletonion remains a local newspaper. Hyper-local. But sometimes we see things globally that we are compelled to comment on. This editor recently felt this burden after watching the annually run Holiday Lexus commercials.
Now, I have nothing against Lexus as a vehicle as they seem very nice. I have never owned or driven one, but I have ridden in one, which makes me a better person. My beef is very specifically with their advertising department. I can easily look passed the fact that they are advertising buying a Lexus as a Holiday gift in very poor economic conditions. The truth is, there are still people that can afford to buy a Lexus, and good for them.
My problem is with how they are trying to portray a realistic scenario with these married couples in the “December to Remember” campaign. The message is essentially, “give the gift of a lifetime, a Lexus, and make your spouse happy.” So, let’s closely examine this basic scenario.
Husband or wife is extremely excited to surprise their spouse with the new vehicle. This seems reasonable. But how did they know the color and model their spouse would want? How long has the vehicle been sitting right outside their house without their partner knowing it? In each instance, the receiver of the vehicle is tipped off by the Lexus theme music. I’m going to go out on a ledge here and bet that unless you have owned more than two Lexus vehicles, you probably haven’t memorized the Lexus December to remember theme song.
Furthermore, how was this vehicle purchased? Cash? If it was financed, I’m guessing the family income would be taken into account, and therefore the spouse would have to agree to and sign for a credit check. What families make a down payment on a vehicle but have so much money, they don’t notice it come out of their accounts? If you had that much money already, you probably would have just bought yourself a Lexus.
My guess is that if this scenario was played out with real people, a massive fight would ensue regarding making major purchases without the input of your spouse. Hell, a lot of people get in trouble for buying a new TV. Imagine coming home and your spouse dropped sixty grand without so much as saying a word to you. That would probably end the marriage right there on Christmas.
Finally, enough with the big bows. I have yet to see these anywhere as I have long planned to have my wife’s car detailed, put a bow on it, and surprise her with her new-ish looking vehicle. Lexus has taken over the number one spot on my list of fake television commercials that are attempting to be realistic.]]>