Issue 70

There was a lot of push back on the through streets leading up to their completion, but the truth is, there has not been much of a negative impact on Stapleton residents. In fact, the streets have probably led to more conveniences than inconveniences for residents. “It probably takes 10 minutes off my drive to work,” says resident John Carman. “And I know lots of people that kind of secretly like them.” Even the Havana through street has not caused much of an increase in Aurora traffic. Apparently, the ones that ignored the sign all those times are still the only ones using it. Plus, with the school boundary issue and still no movement on a town center, residents have moved well passed complaining about the through streets. Or have they? As you drive on 26th and approach Fulton, you will see a large left turn arrow in the lane you are in. If you are not turning left, which the majority of drivers there are not, you must violently swerve your vehicle to get into the non-turn lane which would naturally seem more like a right turn lane. “It is really messed up,” said resident Stew Miller. “It just doesn’t make any sense. Every time I pass by it, I think, ‘what the f*ck?” Other residents agree. “Do they really think traffic is going to be so busy there that they need a left turn sign,” asks Jessica LaPedis. “I mean, what the f*ck?” Denver traffic engineers don’t have a reasonable answer for the situation. “Well, it just seemed like a lot of pavement without any signage,” said engineer Paul Rudee. “And, we had the paint, so we thought, ‘hey, what the f*ck, let’s paint a giant left turn arrow here.’” Engineers agree that the arrow is probably pointless, however they will not change the arrow until it causes problems and not just inconveniences. ]]>

Andy and Megan Geary host an annual holiday party, usually with a fun theme. This year was no different, as the couple organized another fun gathering for almost 100 friends and neighbors. It is an adult-only party that usually goes into the morning and sometimes gets a little out of hand. “I think sometimes people forget they are not in college anymore,” says Megan. “But, it’s totally fine, and we always have a blast with our friends.” This year, the party ended earlier and was a lot more somber than in years past. [Read more…] about School Boundary Topic Ruins 17th Stapleton Holiday Party

Chris Bukatz refused to put Christmas lights up on Thanksgiving weekend because he wanted to enjoy some outdoor activities of his own and did not want to miss the great football games. “I don’t look at 10 day weather forecasts,” said Chris. “So, I had no idea it was going to be freezing for like two weeks. I tried to tell my wife it was too cold to put them up, but she didn’t care, saying I had my chance Thanksgiving weekend.” [Read more…] about Wife Updates Will and Estate Plan Day Before Insisting Husband Put Lights Up on Icy Roof

There has been a lot of talk recently about the origin, and therefore, color of Santa Claus. Most of the firestorm was caused by highly respected FOX “News” Anchor Megyn Kelly when she emphatically told her late-night audience of young viewers that, “by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white.” Kelly would go on to say that Middle-Eastern born Jesus of Nazareth was also white, and “that’s a fact.” Many scientists disagree with the last assertion, including scientific historian Becky Lyle. “We cannot say how dark Jesus was, but we can assume he wasn’t that white,” said Lyle. “Like Michael Jackson, he probably got whiter with time, mostly to appease the Anglos when Christianity was spreading.” [Read more…] about Black Northfield Santa Just as Exciting as White Santas to Kids

You have probably heard of them by now. They are all over Stapleton – in the parks, the rec center, on Facebook, and in the basement. They are cross fitters. You know about them because they have told you themselves. That’s because the first rule of cross-fit is that the only thing you can talk about is cross-fit. It used to be kind of a joke that some cross-fitters were so into cross-fit that it was like a religion and their constant efforts to recruit others to join them in this fitness revolution was akin to proselytizing. But it is no longer a joke. In this two-part article the Stapletonion’s investigative reporter, Mark Huisman, investigates a new and very secretive church in Stapleton, The Church of the Cross-Fit Jesus. In part one you will learn what it took for Mark to just get invited to be a part of CFJ. Part two explores what the CFJ is and the members of the church. [Read more…] about Faith and Fitness: Cross-fit and Christianity Come Together in Stapleton

According to a recent Denver Post article, Stapleton homes received the most views on Trulia. Capitol Hill was second followed by Cherry Creek. “It is not an exact science,” said Trulia Co-Founder Pete Flint. “However, it will give you a general idea of how often people are looking at what homes and what neighborhoods, so it is a good place to start.” [Read more…] about It’s (Un)Official: Stapleton is Denver’s Most Popular Neighborhood

According to the December issue of the Front Porch, Denver Department of Parks and Recreation plans to create massive play structures all over City Park that will be integrated through a series of trails and tunnels. “This is a very exciting project,” said District 8 Councilman Albus Brooks. “It kicks the crap out of what Councilman Herndon has over there in Stapleton at Central Park.” [Read more…] about City Park Renovation to Make Central Park Look Like Pile of Crap