Issue 5

Forrest City’s classic Stapleton ad slogan, “Less Sub, More Urb” was once clever, but now has become too much for local residents.  Recently the development company shipped in some street hooligans from Detroit to stage a riot in the town center to give Stapleton that “city feel.”  Forrest City President Phil Dargossi believes this is a necessary step to portray the image they are looking for.  “There are a lot of developments that promise an urban feel, but never deliver,” says Dargossi.  “We are prepared to do whatever it takes, and that includes fabricating and creating street riots.” [Read more…] about Forrest City Taking “Less Sub, More Urb” Slogan to Whole New Level

The HGTV Green House in Stapleton is green enough for even the hippy-est of vegan flower children. This adobe home features almost no modern amenities invented after the turn of the 20^th century. The future “winner” of this home will be surprised by the lack of indoor plumbing, electricity, and natural gas.  “We wanted to create something that may not be comfortable to live in, but at least your doing your part for the environment,” says HGTV Green Home designer Meena Dasari. (see photos of the new Green Home after the jump) [Read more…] about HGTV Green House Pretty F’ing Green

Recent census projections show that Stapleton Caucasian children could soon be a minority.  The study projects that by 2014, the annoying turtle signs reminding you that there are children in Stapleton, and you should slow down, will be the majority.  Forrest City is unsure how this will affect the community.  “We don’t really know how this will affect our ability to sell the area to prospective home buyers,” says Forrest City statistics expert Ron Stone.  “We know that Caucasian children have been good for business, but it could end up being that slow turtle signs are just as good.  It is just too early to tell.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Census: By 2014, Turtle Signs to Outnumber Caucasian Children

When it comes to closing a pool quickly, it appears only Seal Team 6 could compete with the Stapleton Pool Staff.  Whether it is high winds, almost rain, sounded like thunder, is that poop, or simply getting dark a little early, this staff can get things closed up within minutes. [Read more…] about MCA Pool Staff Prepared for Unnecessary Closures

[Read more…] about Stapleton Stingray Swim Team Wait List Now Longest in Country

[Read more…] about Stapleton C.R.A.P. Brings Hope to Stapleton Divorcees

The recent school bus strike has caused problems all over the city, but no where has it caused more pain than the pedestrian-friendly community of Stapleton.  The “Far East of Denver” as it is known to many was designed specifically so that those living in the community could choose to walk their children to school or even ride bikes with them to school.  This was a great thing for the marketing material, but has never worked out in practice.  [Read more…] about Bus Strike Cripples Walking Community