Issue 43

This week marks the one year anniversary of the shocking tragedy which occurred in the middle of the Central Park dog pond. Last November, Max Seehause (9) along with his family took his brand new toy sailboat to the pond. In this great age of technology, no one thought it would be possible for the boat to sink, even in the windy conditions. In fact, the internet reviews of the boat made many boasts claiming the boat could not be sunk. The Seehause family bought into the hype, and ultimately paid dearly. The winds were gusting between 30 and 40 miles per hour at the pond, but the Seehauses wanted to push forth, almost to prove that the mighty Mia would not fall to nature, but conquer her. The proud ship began its first voyage from the dock and almost immediately, it appeared things were not going as planned. The Mia listed right, listed left, and Max tried desperately to control the violent tipping. As the boat approached the middle of the pond, the family realized they were in big trouble and needed to get The Mia back to shore. But, alas, it was the perfect storm. The Mia was caught in a gale which pushed her from all directions, making steering impossible. At that point, she began taking on water. They were still unable to steer the boat out of danger. Then, more water came over the bows. At that point, the Seahauses knew it was unlikely they would ever see the Mia again. In what is now considered the most heroic thing anyone has seen at the Stapleton dog pond, Robert Seehause, Max’s father, slowly made his way into the disease infested waters to try to save The Mia. But, alas, it wasn’t meant to be. The Mia sank into the depths of the middle of the pond before Robert was able to get there. There were no survivors. The Seehauses were unavailable for comment regarding the emotional incident, but other witnesses were willing to speak. “I remember thinking to myself, ‘isn’t a little too windy to be sailing that thing,’” recalls survivor Danny Bolsom. “Even though I was pretty sure it was going to sink, I was absolutely heartbroken when it finally went down. It was awful.” There are rumors that the Seehause family in coordination with The Discovery Channel and Titanic director James Cameron will be filming a documentary on the incident as well as sending a toy submarine down to take photos of the wreckage. In the words of Gordon Lightfoot, “the lake it is said never gives up her dead when the skies of November turn gloomy.” ]]>

In a surprise move last week, the Colorado Rockies baseball club named Jim Miller its new manager. Coach Miller has most recently been coaching in the Stapleton youth sports league, Stapleton All Sports. “We are definitely saddened to see Coach Miller go,” Stapleton All Sports Director of Operations Chris Schmidt said in a statement. “We are excited for him and wish him the best in his new endeavors. His teams always performed well, and he did a great job of teaching kids the fundamentals, so I can see why the Rockies made this choice.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Youth Coach Named Rockies New Manager

Due to the huge economic growth from the farmer’s market and Sweet William Market, Forest City has now given the green light for more retail to occupy the founder’s green space. “The park was underutilized by the people, and it wasn’t making any positive economic impact to the area,” said Forest City spokesperson Janelle Ayers.  “That’s when we decided to start with seasonal business and asked the local Christmas tree company to be our first lessee.”  [Read more…] about Founders Green Re-Zoned for Retail:  To be Renamed "Founder$ Green"

In a new “Not on the Sidewalks” campaign, the Denver Parking Authority has begun ticketing Stapleton kids for poorly parked scooters, bikes and tricycles throughout our neighborhood. “We thought it was time to raise awareness and start teaching kids the importance of good parking habits and responding to tickets,” said Steve Gallagher, spokesman for the Parking Authority.  Fines for poorly parked scooters and bikes start at $50 and can be as high as $250 if a bike or scooter is booted. [Read more…] about Denver Parking Authority Begins Ticketing Stapleton Kids for Poorly Parked Bikes and Scooters

Local Stapleton resident Heather Dean was astonished when told that Stapleton has several miles of off-street paths for walking, running, cycling, and stroller-pushing. The extremely fit Dean was reached for an interview while jogging with her twins Mason and Emma in a double BOB in the southbound lane of northbound Beeler. “Really? That gravelly-looking thing just to my left on the other side of the grass is a jogging path? I had no idea. I thought those were pathways Forrest City built for the coyotes to use.” When told that it would be much safer for her to use the paths or even a bike lane instead of jogging down the middle of a busy street, she responded, “I will consider it, but I don’t think near as many people would see me, and I am in really good shape.” Heather’s husband Jason was busy doing the laundry all wrong and could not be reached for comment.]]>

Just one week after the election, Stapleton residents are already feeling squeezed by Obama’s second term. Obama’s poor economic policies have caused several Forest City Stapleton projects to be put on hold. “We were all set to complete our ‘to do list’ in a Romney administration,” said Forest City President Phil Dargossi. “With Obama back in office, it just doesn’t seem feasible now. We hope after his administration we can get someone in the White House that is fiscally responsible and thus finish our uncompleted work.” [Read more…] about Stapletonians Already Feeling Crushing Economic Effects of Obama’s Second Term