{"id":613,"date":"2011-06-07T23:58:59","date_gmt":"2011-06-08T06:58:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/?p=613"},"modified":"2011-06-07T23:58:59","modified_gmt":"2011-06-08T06:58:59","slug":"report-nantucket-close-residents-are-better-than-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/?p=613","title":{"rendered":"Report: Nantucket Close Residents ARE Better Than You"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\t\t\t\t<![CDATA[<a href=\"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/the-close2.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-617\" title=\"the-close2\" src=\"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/the-close2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" \/><\/a>\nA comprehensive study recently conducted by the University of Colorado concluded what many Stapleton residents have known for years:\u00a0 residents in the Nantucket Close are significantly better than everyone else.\u00a0 The study looked at several factors including appearance, income, intelligence, athleticism, musical ability, artistic ability, and even charisma.\u00a0 \u201cWe scored each one of these categoriess, and then had a comprehensive score, which we call a person\u2019s Clooney Score,\u201d said Dr. Chris Frazier of the University.\u00a0 \u201cThe highest score one can get is 1000.\u00a0 The average Nantucket Close resident scores an 894, the average Stapleton resident scores a 637, and an average American would score 482.\u00a0 In Nebraska, the average person is a 268.\u201d\n<!--more-->None of this comes as a shock to anyone, including the scientists.\u00a0 \u201cNo matter how strong a hypothesis is, it must be proven,\u201d said Dr. Frazier.\u00a0 \u201cIt gives the subject some sort of closure, and we can move on to other important studies, such as whether or not women prefer tall or short men.\u201d\u00a0 Residents in the Nantucket Close participated in the study willingly, and are pleased with the conclusion.\u00a0 \u201cWe have known this for a while, and talked about it amongst ourselves,\u201d said Close resident Dana Rowell.\u00a0 \u201cWe are hoping Forrest City takes note of this and adds to the 10 security guards we already have posted in front of our private drive.\u201d\nIf you happen to see a Nantucket Close resident, you should not look them in the eye but do greet them with a slight bow.]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\t\t\t\t<![CDATA[]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[119],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-613","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-issue-6","7":"entry"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/613","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=613"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/613\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=613"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=613"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=613"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}