{"id":5392,"date":"2015-01-21T22:13:54","date_gmt":"2015-01-22T05:13:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/?p=5392"},"modified":"2015-01-21T22:13:54","modified_gmt":"2015-01-22T05:13:54","slug":"denver-police-report-increase-in-passive-aggressive-behavior-after-state-of-the-union","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/?p=5392","title":{"rendered":"Denver Police Report Increase in Passive Aggressive Behavior After State of the Union"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\t\"state<\/a>Denver Police fielded a record number of 9-1-1 and 3-1-1 calls from miffed Stapletonians complaining their spouses were being passive aggressive after viewing President Obama’s State of the Union Speech. Chief McClelland said his district was just recovering from the massive amount of paperwork generated by the spike in domestic violence as a result of the Broncos loss two weeks ago when the phones lit up on Tuesday night. “It was crazy, we had men and women calling, reporting their significant others were being abusive. Of course we were concerned.” But after the 17th caller explained that the abuse was just passive aggressive behavior, Cheif McClelland instructed his dispatchers to “just hear them out, fill out a report, and file it away.”\n\n“Yeah, it was weird. I’ve never seen it before,” said Deputy Nate lockie. “We have a saying around here, ‘Broncos lose, mix in booze, Broncos get beat, so does she.’ But we weren’t ready for the volume of calls from angry spouses complaining about their husband or wife’s passive aggressive behavior.” A review of the 132 reports filed on Tuesday night include complaints of folded arms, one word answers to questions, scowling faces, lack of intimacy, and pursed lips. Of course, there are no reports of physical abuse as one would expect from Stapletonians who are known to get divorced for funny looks and tics that go from cute to annoying.\nFew Stapleton couples were willing to talk about the issue. “Kendra” told us that when she smiled and expressed positive response to Obama’s child-care credit and equal pay policies, her husband “shot a glance” at her that “could have scared Freddy Kruger.” Her husband, “Steve” mentioned that his subtle hints at sex which usually work – a brush of the hair and a tap on the bottom – were met with a cold shoulder in bed that night. “I don’t know what her problem is,” Steve said. “I thought she voted for Romney.”\n“He’s such an idiot. How could I have voted for Romney? The only reason we don’t have four kids is because I take birth control. He’d never bother with birth control. He probably doesn’t even know where that aisle is in Walgreens.”\nPolitics can be the third-rail in a politically mixed marriage. Chief McClelland is just glad there won’t be another speech until next year. “We’ll be ready next time. We’ll just unplug the phones.”\n]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[160],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-5392","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-issue-97","7":"entry"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5392","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5392"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5392\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}