{"id":2196,"date":"2012-06-12T19:30:59","date_gmt":"2012-06-13T02:30:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/?p=2196"},"modified":"2012-06-12T19:30:59","modified_gmt":"2012-06-13T02:30:59","slug":"forrest-city-predicts-shades-of-gray-baby-boom-in-stapleton","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stapletonion.com\/?p=2196","title":{"rendered":"Forrest City Predicts \u201cShades of Gray\u201d Baby Boom In Stapleton"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\t\"\"<\/a>\nStapleton is already overcrowded with young children to the point where people are already demanding a fourth and fifth elementary school to accommodate the needs of the community. Forrest City statistician Eric Lewis is expecting things to get worse before they get better. \u201cA lot of families were done having kids, or at least they thought,\u201d said Lewis. \u201cThere are many book clubs all over Stapleton, and many of those clubs have been reading the NY Times Best Seller Fifty Shades of Gray<\/em>. We are predicting that families with two kids will have three in the next year, and families with three kids will soon have four. These \u201csurprise babies\u201d or unplanned pregnancies we are calling \u201cShades of Gray babies.\u201d\n\nGallup polling shows that sex in Stapleton is up 286%, and that is just between husbands and wives. Women are initiating an astounding 88% of the current sex, compared with 24% prior to the Fifty Shades of Gray epidemic. \u201cI am not sure if there is a connection or not,\u201d says Stapleton wife Erin Sauer. \u201cI know that me and a lot of friends have enjoyed the book.\u201d\nMen have enjoyed the unintended consequences of a book a majority of men have not read. \u201cSuddenly she seems attracted to me,\u201d says Stapleton dad Eric Retzlaff. \u201cIt is a confusing but nice feeling.\u201d All of this extra activity increases the possibility of unplanned pregnancies explains Lewis. \u201cWomen are not very responsible,\u201d says Lewis. \u201cIf their husband has not been \u2018fixed\u2019, some are likely to forget to take their pill, and bam, another Stapleton child.\u201d\nLewis says men should enjoy this while it lasts, as the vampire books came and went as well. \u201cAlthough a bigger phenomenon among married women than the Twilight novels, Fifty Shades of Gray will soon fade to black, and men will be back to begging to give naked backrubs and many will be too busy preparing for yet another Stapleton baby.\u201d ]]>\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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