Combining fast-casual breakfast dining with acclaimed pre-school education techniques in one convenient location, MCHD and IHOP today announced a merger to form the International Children’s House of Montessori Pancakes, or “I-CHOMP.”
“Our mission has always been to foster the development of the whole child, but what was missing was a diet high in fat, sugar, and processed carbohydrates. Now that whole child can be bigger,” MCHD spokesman Tricia Schwaub stated at a press conference.
IHOP executives were equally excited about the potential synergies in combining breakfast with pre-school education. IHOP President Julia Stewart explained, “Our customers have always sought the best deal, and now we can offer a convenient new service not found with any of our competitors. This is a huge competitive advantage in that it will drive traffic to our restaurant on our typically off-peak weekday mornings and afternoons, which will boost revenue.”
Both groups also cite the many benefits of putting the kids to work in the kitchen as well. “A cornerstone of the Montessori method is teaching children everyday skills with real world applications. Now they can mix pancake batter, scramble eggs, and set tables with a greater sense of purpose,” Schwaub said. IHOP executives were equally excited. “Simultaneously circumventing minimum wage law AND child labor laws will dramatically reduce our operating costs.”
Local Stapleton dad Tim Thornton was thrilled as well. “Just knowing I don’t have to prepare another lunch for my daughter, something I’ve had to suffer through every morning for the past 4 years, is music to my ears. Besides, she’ll get more nutrients from the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity than anything I’ve ever made for her.”
Restaurant industry analysts were equally bullish on this new strategy to boost revenue and reduce costs by IHOP. “The jury is still out on if this concept can work, but if it does, expect a long line of followers and pattern of industry consolidation in Stapleton,” explains industry analyst Randy Connor. “It’s not hard to imagine a Bill-Roberts-Bob-Evans concept, or a Denny’s School of Science and Technology. McDonalds and McAuliffe might be a stretch, but as long as you can combine the names in a humorous way, it should work.”
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