Issue 28

Do you worry about your baby looking stylish at the pool?  Are you not up with the latest and greatest baby swimwear?  The Stapletonion is here to help!  Before pool season opens, the Stapletonion will be presenting its second annual baby swimsuit edition. Again, many have requested the “Hot Moms” swimsuit edition as well as the “Hot Nannies” swimsuit edition, but we are sticking with the Baby Swimsuit Edition for this year, however we will not turn away photos sent in of hot moms or nannies. Please submit photos of your baby (between 6-30 months), their first name, and who they are wearing.  Submit to stapletonion@gmail.com with the subject line “baby.”  The edition will be in one of the June issues of the Stapletonion, so please get your photos in so our editors can do any necessary touch ups on unsightly baby fat. If we use the submission of your baby, you will receive a free Stapletonion tee shirt! ]]>

The popular Yahoo Group Stapleton Moms had one member looking for answers, and several members willing to give them. A member recently discussed the sensitive topic of confronting a neighbor whose indoor/outdoor cat has been pooping in their yard. This question set off a firestorm, the likes of which have not been seen since two weeks ago on Stapleton Moms on a topic that has already been long forgotten, much as this one will soon be. Moms from everywhere (meaning all the different boroughs in Stapleton) weighed in on the topic. The Stapletonion understands that training the cat not to poop in the yard would be a huge undertaking, and confronting the neighbor would be awkward as well. This leaves only one solution: keeping cats out of your yard in the first place. So along with some of the practical suggestions from Stapleton Moms, The Stapletonion has included a list of proven ways to keep cats from pooping in your yard.

• Keep a coyote in your yard
• 11 scarecrows. 10 is not enough
• Have two sandboxes: One for the kids, and one for the cats
• Spread Starbucks coffee grounds in your yard: cats are Dunkin’ Donuts animals
• Keep speakers in your yard quietly playing “Mambo Number 5”
• Get a fake cat and pose him dead in the yard—then they’ll know you mean business
• Put a sandbox in another neighbor’s yard along with some fish—no longer your problem
• Keep a sign in yard that states “Cats pooping in yard punishable by $500 fine”

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Recent criticism of the First Annual Westerly Creek Mother-Son Dance eventually found its way to the DPS School Board who slapped the wrist of Westerly Creek, letting them know they will no longer be able to hold the function with its existing title. “We appreciate what they were trying to do,” says school board member Tammi Gurule. “However, it ended up coming off pretty offensive to the hundreds of thousands that were unintentionally excluded from the event.” [Read more…] about DPS School Board to Westerly Creek: “Mother-Son Dance Exclusionary, Offensive”

Stapleton Democrats and Republicans have long had their feuds, publicly through the Stapleton Moms Yahoo Group, and privately when they steal each other’s yard signs promoting an opposing party’s candidate. For now, both groups have agreed on a détente, and have decided to join forces to wage war on another group: stay at home moms. [Read more…] about Stapleton Dems and Reps Agree: “Stay at Home Mom” is NOT a Job

In what originally seemed like a great idea, SUN and the Block Captain network have since apologized for the “Opening Day Family Field Trip.” The original concept was to add another event to bring the community together, where parents and kids took a bus downtown to enjoy pregame festivities and then go to the game. The plan would be perfect for any other baseball game, but the chosen day was opening day. “It got out of hand right away,” says field trip participant Cindy Johnson. “One of the couples had clearly already been drinking, and the wife danced the entire bus ride.” “People were drinking and telling stories as if kids weren’t even there,” said Mark Hartley. “It got crazy, really, really fast.” [Read more…] about Field Trip to Opening Day Baseball Game Goes Horribly Wrong

Stapleton resident Mark Evers had a difficult week last week after realizing his wife was divorcing him after nine years of marriage. What made the news more difficult was that he was one of the last people to know. “I was in the basement watching Sports Center when all of the sudden my phone was just blowing up,” says Mark. “I received several texts with things like, ‘hang in there,’ ‘sorry to hear that, brother,’ and ‘let me know if there is anything I can do for you.’” Mark’s Facebook page also started receiving tens of supportive comments, and several ‘likes’ to those comments. The barrage of support was all received within a five minute time period. “I had no idea what was going on,” says Mark. “I responded to my closest friend through text to ask why all the support. He immediately let me know that his wife told him after she found out through Stapleton Mom’s that my wife was looking for a good divorce attorney. It was tough.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Man Last to Find Out About Wife Divorcing Him

Couples everywhere have disagreements, argue, and fight. Many of these entanglements are trivial in nature and rarely escalate into relationship-ending discussions. All couples have their own unique style of arguing and fighting. Some prefer the, ‘let’s make sure the neighbors know we are fighting’ method, while others prefer a laid back ‘let’s talk about what we could have done differently’ approach. When children enter the picture, fighting styles can often change, usually in a feeble attempt to hide the disagreement from the kids. One of these discussions occurred between Darcey and Mike Wiley. “It started out small when I was upset with him because he never takes care of the baby on weekend mornings,” says Darcey. “Our four year old was in the room, so I said, ‘daddy never takes care of the baby on weekends and makes mommy do all the work even though she is tired, too.’” [Read more…] about Stapleton Couple Has Entire Fight in Third Person

[Read more…] about Stapleton Parents Upset Sleepovers Always at Their Place