Issue 25

artists depiction of future events Forrest City has failed yet again. This time, their failure could endanger the entire Stapleton population as well as the fragile Stapleton ecosystem. The “park” on 26th Ave. in EaWe had been overrun with prairie dogs for quite some time. Forrest City decided to begin the park project a couple months ago starting with putting in a fence, then moving to the most challenging task: removing the prairie dogs. After a lot of controversy and at least some thought, the decision was made to poison the prairie dogs instead of the costly project that would be relocation. A variety of poisons were used, but the most commonly used poison was iocane powder, which is odorless and tasteless, but one of the most deadly poisons known to man. Although the iocane seemed to have worked on thousands of the prairie dogs, hundreds had apparently been working up an immunity to it, and therefore, remained unaffected. In fact, biologists are wondering if it has made them even stronger. “We have reason to believe the survivors have actually gained strength, and possibly have mutated genes they will pass along to even a stronger offspring,” says University of Colorado biologist and ecologist Cari Lyle. “We have already noticed that the coyotes have almost completely abandoned the area as the prairie dogs have a new confidence and are scaring them off as well as the off leash dogs.” Experts worry that if the prairie dogs are already creeping up the food chain, they may be inclined to approach and attack humans. “They already have a complex language system for defense,” says Lyle. “They could easily turn that language into an aggressive language for planning attacks. I don’t think humans, in particular the Stapleton population, is ready for that.” Forrest City released a simple statement regarding the issue but was unavailable for comment. “We regret that phase one did not work as planned, however, there were contingency plans put in place in case of something like this. We will not release the specifics of this information, but phase two will be more effective than the Maginot lines.” Forrest City plans to wait and see what happens in the next two weeks prior to going to phase two. Speaking for all Stapleton citizens, we hope it is not too late. ]]>

King Soopers has been getting slammed by the Stapleton Community for years. They have calmly taken the criticism, and have done their best to appease their Stapleton customers. They can’t do everything, however. For example, you can’t have great fried chicken and also have produce last for two days. [Read more…] about King Soopers to Build “Whole Foods Express” Inside Stapleton Store

The recent census which included a lot of information about Stapleton, was mostly filled with facts that are not surprising. Stapleton has a higher percentage of children under 10 than Denver as a whole, has a Hispanic population of 5% compared to Denver’s 31%, and has a much higher median household income than the total Denver population. The biggest surprise comes when looking at who is being counted in the census. “We take into account all residents in a district,” says lead Denver census project manager Bryan Mosley. “Technically, the jail is a residence, so we absolutely count them.” In fact, for the East Stapleton residents (East of Central Park Blvd), over 3,000 residents from the Denver County Jail and Women’s Correctional facility are counted in the areas population. [Read more…] about Census Released: SUN Forced to Include Inmate on Board

“La costumbre” he instructs the vendor, which means “the usual” in Spanish.  Margarita nods knowingly through the window, having already started his order.  Amidst the homebuilding contractors in line at the truck, local Stapleton resident Doug Schwab looks out of place, waiting patiently, perusing the menu with daughter Lauren attached to his chest in her Baby Bjorn, as she tries to grab the hat off the man standing in front of her.  On most days Doug is a stay-at-home dad and freelance writer, spending his time taking care of his 8-month old daughter.  At night, when his wife Cheryl is home from work, he writes articles for various local and national publications.  They moved into their newly-constructed home late last year, but their neighborhood is surrounded by homes still under construction, and the vendors show up daily to sell lunch and snacks to the various on-site workers.  “The second I hear that high-pitched horn playing its sing-songy version of La Cucaracha, I literally start salivating like Pavlov’s dog,” he explains.  [Read more…] about Stay-at-Home Dad Develops Addiction to Taco Trucks Serving Stapleton Homebuilders

In a press release dated yesterday, the Stapleton Association of Divorced Dads, or S.A.D.D., announced the launch of the long-awaited Touch an Inmate program. Designed to help incarcerated women be ready to integrate back into society, the program involves weekly visits by S.A.D.D. members to the Denver Women’s Correctional Facility (DWCF), located at 3600 Havana Street, to meet and socialize with non-violent female offenders scheduled to be released in the next three months. Requiring tax payers to fund the construction of five additional private “visiting” rooms, the program is being met with mixed reviews. 

 [Read more…] about S.A.D.D. to Reach Out to Troubled Women

In conjunction with the SUN Traffic Committee, research students at Denver University have concluded that over one in every four drivers in the Stapleton community are simply driving around to put a child to sleep. For six months, researches counted cars over different areas of Stapleton over several different time periods. In the end, it is clear Stapleton parents use driving to put their children to sleep. [Read more…] about New Study: 26% of Stapleton Traffic is Parents Trying to Put Infant to Sleep

Stapleton has long been known as a tight-knit, friendly community. People spend time outside fraternizing and drinking with their neighbors, while their kids play together. Impromptu happy hours, barbeques, and play dates are the norm. But that all ends when the winter hits. Once the temperature drops and the sun goes down early, neighbors hibernate inside their homes waiting for the thaw of the spring. Well, that thaw came this Sunday March 4th, when the sun was out and the winds were less than 30 miles per hour. Pocket parks were once again filled with screaming kids and social parents catching up on what they have all been up to the last 4 months. “I found out the person living right next door to me was pregnant,” said North Central Park resident Darla Nelson. “I am so happy for her, and it was great to see her again!” [Read more…] about Sunny Day: After 4 months, Neighbors See Each Other for First Time