Issue 21

For dentists planning to open a practice in Stapleton, they know they have to bring their “A” game. Coming in with a fancy degree and an experienced staff simply aren’t enough in this community. You have to have a pretty face. A really pretty face. Dr. Amy Kimball understands this, and is aware of the competition in the community. Within a one-mile radius, Stapleton residents have their choice of smoking hot dentists Dr. Preet Clair, Dr. Carrie Dougherty, and Dr. Kate Steele. “We did a lot of research before moving into Stapleton,” says Dr. Kimball. “We know we are going to have a tough time starting out, but I am doing my best to keep in shape and keep up with the latest fashions and most expensive perfumes.” University of Colorado cultural anthropologist Mike Wagner tries to explain why this trend is occurring. “We have studies dating back to the 1980’s, and continue to look at these trends today,” says Wagner. “People apparently prefer to be around attractive people. Historically, this has been prominent in the sales field, especially in the medical device and pharmaceutical sales fields, but other industries have now gravitated to it, including the medical profession.” Wagner goes on to discuss the stereotypes of attractive people in the medical profession not being as intelligent as their unattractive competitors. “Attractive people, especially women, have historically not gone into medicine simply because they have been given easier options in life,” says Wagner. “But the truth is the intelligent attractive women see the huge opportunity in getting into fields typically dominated by men, or unattractive women. They can come in and immediately make an impact on the market.” Dr. Amy Kimball said she plans to take out two full page ads in the March Front Porch, including her dressed in her specially designed sexy new dentist outfit. “We hired a clothing company out of New York for all of our outfits,” says Kimball. “We knew we couldn’t just come in with the same old game plan.” Dr. Kimball is right. Coming into Stapleton, you have to bring your best, and you better have on a pretty game face. ]]>

The Stapleton MCA periodically holds contests asking for residents to submit photos to be published on the site or in publications they manage. Recently, they held a contest to create a “Cute Toddlers of Stapleton” calendar. One of those selected was a picture of Amber Hoffman, daughter of Rachel Hoffman. The Hoffman’s asked if they could use a different photo than the one they submitted that would “show more of their daughter’s personality.” The MCA agreed to allow them to send another photo, however balked when it came time to making the substitution. [Read more…] about MCA Calendar Rejects Risqué Toddler Photo

Stapleton residents Scott and Heidi Andreasen live in EaWe on Clinton Street. They have great neighbors, a great home, and two wonderful children, Abi (4) and Casey (6). The family has loved living in their Stapleton home, partly because they feel safe and secure. That all changed on December 11th. [Read more…] about Stapleton Burglar Takes Only Piece of Mind

The construction is done, and the median removed. The traffic lights are up, and cars come and go. More than likely, the experts were right, and the intersection will be safer. However, there is something missing. The feeling of togetherness that a four way stop can bring. Being able to look your neighbors, and even people from Aurora, in the eye and give a hand wave to say, ‘no, you were here first, you go ahead’ was a special feeling. [Read more…] about Central Park Blvd.-29th Ave. Intersection Feels Lonely

The 8.5 point underdog Denver Broncos shocked the world with their miraculous first round ousting of the powerful and proud Pittsburgh Steelers. The overtime victory was the Broncos fourth of the season, but it might as well have been their 18th. The Broncos have already accomplished more than anyone ever thought they would. “I have so many bets, with so many people in this neighborhood, that I am going to have mortgage my house,” said Steeler fanatic Josh Closson. “The trickery that Tebow has been using all of these years just doesn’t seem very Christian.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Steelers Fans Humiliated After Loss

“Hangar 61 looks a lot different than I remember,” was the first thing that Captain Jim “Cappy” Roberts said to the minister of Stapleton Fellowship Church, as he handed him his baggage and asked for coffee. “And there was nobody attending that fuel tank near the runway either. She’ll need to be filled up before I head back to Toledo.” Cappy had gone as far as attempting to refuel at the MCHD silo and finally taxied into the Stapleton Fellowship Church. [Read more…] about Senile Pilot Lands Private Jet on Central Park Boulevard

[Read more…] about Tips for Cutting Costs on Babysitting