Issue 122

In what has seemed like a lifetime for many Eastbridge residents, the Eastbridge Town Center appears to finally be under construction. The Stapletonion posted its very first article in March of 2011 discussing how soon businesses would be moving into the area. A short five years later, ground has been broken. The big concern for residents across Stapleton now, is whether life itself will continue. “I guess we all wanted this, but never thought it would come to fruition,” said Stapleton resident Joe Brooks. “Now, myself, and I know a lot of others, are worried this is the end. Isn’t this one of the signs of the apocalypse the Bible talked about in Revelation? At the very least, hell is freezing over, right?” Other residents feel the same way. “What happens when hell freezes over,” asked Marc Shaffer. “I mean, could it be a positive, or is it an end of world sort of thing? I honestly don’t know, but I do know it’s clearly happening now that the town center is being built.” The town center was originally promised to Eastbridge home buyers about a decade ago. Long before Conservatory Green, or Willow Park East, or the Bluff Lake Neighborhoods were even beginning. If not for the actual construction equipment and digging at the site, residents wouldn’t believe it is happening. “It’s pretty cool to see that we may be finally getting stuff that was promised to us a decade ago,” said resident Kirk Huebner. “Now, I hope we get at least a little time to enjoy it, with hell freezing over and all.” Biblical and ‘end of time’ scholars are certainly concerned with the development in Northeast Denver. “This is one of those things that has people worried across the globe,” says Biblical Scholar Bart Ehrman. “There are things in the Old Testament that seem to be referring to this development, and it’s concerning to all religions, not just Christians.” Ehrman says if the Eastbridge Town Center is a sign of the end of the world, residents shouldn’t concern themselves too much with it. “Once an end of time prophecy is fulfilled, there’s no stopping it. You just need to enjoy the remainder of your days, however many that may be.” For the sake of Eastbridge residents, hopefully it’s at least about a year and a half.]]>

Records are meant to be broken, but unfortunately, aren’t meant to go on forever. The Montgomery family recently broke the unofficial Stapleton record of consecutive days of no one in the household being sick between November and March, formerly held by the Morrow family at 11 days. “Of course, we would have liked to have it to go on longer,” said father Dave Montgomery. “But, our kindergartner got sick, as did half of her class, so we ended a great run at 13 days.” Dave says it wasn’t anything special they were doing to keep a healthy household for so long. “You know, we eat pretty well, and try to keep the kids in a good routine,” said Dave. “We didn’t do any extra sanitizing or anything like that. I mean, a lot of it is just timing and luck. We aren’t superstitious, but after seven days, no one spoke of it. We didn’t want to jinx it.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Family’s Record Run of No One Being Sick Ends at 13 Days

A new study released by the University of Wisconsin last week confirms what many people already believed was true; warmer weather makes you significantly less likely to think about killing your own children. The study was conducted as part of an effort to understand whether or not parental mood swings were the main factor in parents’ anger towards their children, or if it was poor behavior by the child. “What we found from the study was that it was actually neither,” said lead researcher Liam Purdy. “We found that the seasons, and ultimately weather was the biggest factor.” Murphy explains that kids being inside all the time, whether they are behaving appropriately or not, drives parents crazy. “I think the confined spaces, the constant mess, and the noise, eventually wears parents down, and they act out in frustration and anger. They also start to question why they had kids, and many who may have been considering having more kids, reconsider.” [Read more…] about Study: Warm Weather Decreases Parents’ Urge to Murder Own Kids

There has been a lot of talk about the great shops and restaurants coming into the Eastbridge Town Center, but somehow, Little Man Ice Cream seems to headline the conversations. “Anytime the town center comes up, inevitably, the first thing someone says is, ‘I heard there is a Little Man Ice Cream coming in,’” said resident Jodi Sharp. “I mean, there are going to be Troy Gard restaurants there, and we are talking about ice cream? I think that is pretty bizarre.” The popular Highlands ice cream kiosk often has long lines late into the night. “I gave it a shot after we ate at Linger one night,” said resident Chris Essex. “I guess it was good. I mean, it was ice cream. But it was a pretty long line.” [Read more…] about Residents Like Ice Cream, but Really Just Want to Feel Like They Live in the Highlands

For all the care Forest City takes in naming its apartment buildings and townhomes, they put much less thought into the naming of its boroughs. There will soon be 10 mini-neighborhoods within the Stapleton umbrella. They are all very simplistic names. Some were named by their closest landmark, such as Central Park North and West, Westerly Creek, and Bluff Lake, and others were named directionally, South End and Eastbridge (literally East of the MLK Bridge). Then, of course, there is the East 29th Ave. neighborhood, which should really just be changed to Classic Stapleton. All of these names lack any sort of imagination, which makes sense when you recognize that the name Stapleton is simply the name of the airport which previously occupied the land. [Read more…] about Willow Park East & Wicker Park Newest and Most Poorly Named Neighborhoods

With the addition of the Eastbridge Town Center and the Stanley Marketplace, as well as easy access to downtown with the light rail, some area businesses may begin to take a hit. And nowhere is that hit more likely to happen than Quebec Square. Inland American Real Estate Trust Inc (IARET). had recently purchased the area for $52 million. The business makeup of the community has changed drastically since then, and now the large corporation must decide what direction they are going to go with in the area retail development. [Read more…] about Quebec Square Businesses Begin Exit Strategy

In a recent study conducted by John Burns Real Estate Consulting and Robert Charles Lesser & CO., Forest City’s Stapleton master planned community ranked fourth in the country with 665 homes sold last year. The news from the obscure ranking which means almost nothing to people outside of the real estate industry, was posted on the Stapleton web site. “Let’s just say we drank a lot of champagne,” said Forest City spokesperson Janelle Ayers. “We were ecstatic about the news, since we had previously fallen to 11th in 2014. It’s just a big, big deal, and we wanted to give everyone in the Stapleton community a chance to boast about how great of a community they live in, but also a chance to pat us on the back. We really deserve it. We are talking about number four as ranked by John Burns Real Estate Consulting and Robert Charles Lesser & CO. Just wow.” [Read more…] about Forest City Stapleton Boldly Breaks News About Recent Successes