Issue 115

Fed up with their yearly obligation to provide candy for the entire Denver metropolitan area, SUN held a meeting on 10/15 to decide whether or not Stapleton should have its own trick-or-treating day. “We have had so many issues with this in the past,” said SUN President Mike Victoria. “We would get hundreds of complaints each year about the large number of outsiders coming in to pillage residents’ candy before our own Stapleton kids even have a chance to go see their friends and neighbors. So, we decided to hold a meeting to discuss the issue.” Stanley Marketplace was kind enough to lend its space for the meeting. “We had a dismal 100 people show up to discuss the potential name change,” said Victoria. “We knew this was a much bigger issue to residents, so that space would be adequately filled.” Victoria was right, as over 1200 residents filled Stanley and spilled out into the outdoor area. A speaker system was put in place for those in the outdoor seating area. Residents spoke up about why they felt strongly about this important issue. “Our kids shouldn’t have to share our candy and our sidewalks with kids from outside of this community,” barked resident Amy Leonard. “Of course we want diversity in the community, but that’s in the community. We don’t need outsiders for that.” Jonathan Drenner agreed. “I love seeing all of the smiling Stapleton kids on Halloween,” said Drenner. “But these kids from the outside, I’m not so sure I need to be seeing them and handing out my hard-earned candy to them.” Shannon Zarifis was one of the few dissenters of that opinion. “Sure there are the occasional older kids and adults abusing us,” said Zarifis. “But, for the most part, these are just kids. And shouldn’t we do what we can to make the Halloween experience as fun for as many kids as we can?” By the sound of the boos, it was clear most residents didn’t agree with her. In the end, the purpose of the meeting was to discuss a proposal to quietly move the Stapleton trick-or-treating day to this coming Friday (10/23). “It was almost unanimous,” said Victoria. “And we had a large enough number of residents attending; we thought the people who showed up were representative of the community as a whole.” Those who attended were ecstatic about the change. “This is going to be a much less stressful and costly Halloween,’ said resident Matt Geary. “In fact, we are going to use the money we are saving on candy to have a little trip to the mountains the following week.” The Bastemeyers have similar plans. “It’s great that we will be able to see all of our local friends’ kids this weekend,” said Kelly Bastemeyer. “And then, we can just turn off the lights to the house, lock the doors, and head to Vail the following weekend to relax at our place in the mountains. It’s going to be a great end to October.” It’s uncertain whether or not Halloween will continue to be celebrated in Stapleton on a different day than the rest of Denver, but this Friday, residents will be walking the kids around in a Stapleton-only atmosphere. And what could be better than that?]]>

Northfield High School is just two months old, but there has been a big change with the recent resignation of Principal Brian Scott. Scott resigned to follow his long time passion to become a warden, as he was hired as the warden at Supermax in Florence, Colorado. “It is something I have been interested in for a long time,” said Scott. “Being a Principal was a great experience, but in the end, it was just a stepping stone in becoming a warden, which has been my dream all along.” After being offered his “dream job” Scott spoke with Tom Boasberg (Superintendent) and Susana Cordova (Chief Schools Officer) and they decided it was best for Scott to resign immediately, rather than finish off the year before moving to Folorence to take charge of the nation’s highest security prison. “We felt that if this was a move he wanted to make, he should make it immediately,” said Boasberg. “We support Scott in his decision, and wish him the best.” In the interim, Nicole Kimball will serve as acting Principal until a new one is hired at the end of the year. “We will encourage feedback from our parents and community in this process,” said Cordova. [Read more…] about Northfield High Principal Resigns; Becomes Warden at Supermax

With the topic of intruders in Stapleton a hot subject, I wanted to tell my story of protecting my family and how it did not end well for the two intruders in our Stapleton garage. I felt it was necessary to tell this story as I suspect it will help other Stapleton families who struggle with life in the city and these unwanted intruders. In the end one intruder left in a bag and the other with a severed leg and potentially paralyzed. [Read more…] about Stapleton Resident Deals Deadly Blow to Intruders

Tuesday evening, the Denver metro area encountered something it had not seen in quite some time; rainfall. Along with the rain, there was occasional thunder, which wouldn’t be a big deal, but living in Stapleton, loud noises tend to make people jumpy. “I have lived here for eight years,” said resident Paul Rice. “I have seen streets blockaded, helicopters overhead, and vandals running wild through the neighborhood. On top of that, we are right next to Aurora, which freaks the hell out of me. So, am I a little on edge, yes.” Kelly Dellert has had the same experiences while living in Stapleton. “I mean, houses getting broken into, car crashes, suspicious looking people, it is just a pretty crazy place to live,” said Dellert. “Of course, the Stapleton people are great, it’s those people coming through our neighborhood that concern me.” [Read more…] about Evening Thunder Confused for Gun Shots; 311 Overwhelmed

Halloween is here, which means Stapleton parents are preparing creative costumes for parties and to wear to walk their kids around trick-or-treating. “I still love Halloween,” says Stapleton mom Leah Druvenga. “We usually go to a neighborhood party, and it is always fun to try to outdo yourself from the year before. I have a great idea for this year, now I just need to make it happen. Let’s see if that bitch Kelly is more cute and creative than me this year.” Leah is one of several Stapleton residents who enjoy dressing up for Halloween and having drinks with friends and neighbors. “It is a good chance to let yourself go and show another side of yourself,” said Michelle Poolman. “Typically, the trampy side.” [Read more…] about Halloween Brings Local Goodwill First Stapleton Customer of 2015

With the cold weather we experienced this week and colder weather to come, people are reminded about the negatives of the cold. There is of course, the shorter days, colder car rides, and more runny noses. But what really pisses off Stapleton mom Lisa Rudee is having to put layers and layers of clothes on kids. “We had such a nice long spring and summer, I forgot how much of a pain in the ass getting clothes on kids is,” said Rudee. “Getting my kids ready to go outside on a cold day, well, it just f*ck#ng sucks.” [Read more…] about Cold Day Reminds Stapleton Mom How Much Bundling Kids “F’ing Sucks”

Stapleton continues to boost Denver’s reputation. In a recent “study”, Denver was ranked as the most sexually active city in America. The study took into account birth rates, contraceptive sales, and sales of sex related merchandise. People move to Stapleton for the sole purpose to eventually reproduce, so Stapleton clearly supports Denver in that category. “We moved here from the highlands,” says resident Mike Beatty. “Of course we like it here, but we only moved here because we knew we wanted to have kids, and if you want to have kids, you are basically peer pressured to move to Stapleton.” Nikki Sword agrees. “We lived in Hilltop, but knew we were going to start a family,” says Sword. “So, here we are with the rest of the people in Denver who either have kids or want to have kids.” Stapleton’s kid-friendly reputation is so big people move to Denver from out of state. “We moved here from Ohio,” said Tim Eichorn. “My job gave me some options as to where we could move, and Denver was one of the cities. After looking into it, we decided to move to Stapleton, because of how kid-centric it is.” The study did not take into account swingers, according to researchers. “We did look at the sex toys stuff,” said lead researcher on the project Stew Cavin. “But we did not take into account swinging. I guess that would have put Stapleton and subsequently Denver even further ahead.” With more schools getting built, there appears to be no end for the amount of reproduction efforts occurring in Stapleton. ]]>