Issue 11

Stapleton Mom Brings Twinkies as Soccer Snack

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In what has turned into a huge controversy for local soccer club Stapleton Fire, Denise Schaffer, mother of 5 year old Daniel Schaffer, brought Twinkies for the kids on her snack week. Historically, mothers have brought homemade health treats, granola bars, fruit, Clif kid products, or anything purchased from Whole Foods. So, when Denise brought Twinkies, a high sugar, high fat, and high preservative item to soccer practice, it raised quite a few eyebrows. “When I saw my kid tearing into a Twinkie, I was absolutely appalled,” said mother Erika Kozlowski. “Does she not have the internet? How could she not know how incredibly harmful Twinkies can be to a child’s development?” Many mothers tried to get to their kids before they got to the Twinkie snack, but to no avail. The Twinkies were torn into and devoured more quickly than any other snack that has ever been brought to the Stapleton Fire. Denise Schaffer did not seem the least bit concerned. “You know, when I was a kid, this is what mom’s and dad’s brought. And you know what else they brought? Soda. Lots and lots of soda. Our generation has produced thousands of great athletes fed by Hostess products and pop. I just want to stick with what has historically worked. Do you think LeBron James was getting Whole Foods snacks when he was a kid? No. He was getting f***ing Twinkies!” Erika Kozlowski along with a handful of other moms is working hard at creating some bylaws for the Stapleton Fire soccer team which will very specifically dictate what types of snacks parents can bring. Most moms agree with the concept, but could we be denying ourselves of the next LeBron James? Only time will tell.]]>

Eastbridge Neighborhood Undergoes Image Change

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The Eastbridge name designating the far-east Stapleton neighborhood will soon be dropped in favor of “EaWe”, announced Mindy Schmidt, assistant marketing director for Forest City. EaWe is an acronym for “east of Westerly Creek,” explained Schmidt. “Trendy neighborhoods often have a catchy name or acronym. This will help jumpstart our marketing efforts to attract the kind of cutting edge retailers our residents want,” said Schmidt, referring to the proposed town center shopping and entertainment district at Havana Street and MLK Boulevard. Targeted retailers for the town center are Trader Joes, Ikea, and Dollar General, said Schmidt, based on resident surveys. [Read more…] about Eastbridge Neighborhood Undergoes Image Change

Stapleton Dad’s Expands to Include Residents with Balls

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The recent direct mail campaign from Stapleton Dads did add some members, but overall did not have the impact Stapleton Dad’s President Steve Walker was hoping for. “We really thought the direct mail campaign would bring in a few hundred new members,” said Walker. “But we are just not getting the momentum we were hoping for. We had two directions we could go:  more aggressive advertising, or lower the common denominator for our members.  We decided to go with the latter.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Dad’s Expands to Include Residents with Balls

Strong Mooovement for Cows in Stapleton

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We now have chickens on every block in Stapleton, laying eggs and providing delicious nutrition, reducing the carbon footprint of egg purchases, and providing hours of entertainment for the kids and especially dogs and cats. Recently a flock of Stapleton chicken owners has proposed that the MCA and the City of Denver allow residents of Stapleton to keep their own dairy cows. [Read more…] about Strong Mooovement for Cows in Stapleton

Stapleton Mom's Yahoo Group Boycotts Yahoo

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In an unprecedented show of force, Stapleton Moms has boycotted Yahoo. “It is a travesty for Yahoo to do what they are doing,” stated a bitter Stapleton Mom, Susan Dyke. Our investigative reporters have yet to determine why the Moms are boycotting Yahoo, except it looks as though it is “the thing to do.” “We have boycotted several restaurants due to late food delivery, animal clinics who hurt our dogs when providing rabies shots and grocery stores when lines are long. This (boycotting Yahoo) is the natural progression,” stated Susan.
 
Until the issue is resolved, Stapleton Moms have been advised to use Google to get their questions answered. Instead of posting a question, such as ‘what is the the weather like today,’ Stapleton Moms will just have to cut down the time it takes to get an answer and Google Denver weather. The sacrifice is worth it to Susan. “I know it seems like a lot to do, but this is what happens when we are in a battle.”]]>