Issue 60

Recently, the Stapleton Mom’s Yahoo Group once again exposed a major Stapleton issue: golf carts. It appears that the almost tens of golf carts that drive around Stapleton have become a big nuisance for many residents. “I saw one going about 12 miles an hour in our residential area,” said concerned resident Joe Clinton. “They had young kids safely buckled in the back seats, were driving safely, but I just had a feeling something bad could happen at any time. We need to get these things off the road. In fact, that should be our number one priority. Get golf carts out of Stapleton, then cure cancer. But carts first.” Another resident viewed something even more disturbing. “I saw a driver of a cart throw an unidentifiable bottle into a dumpster,” said Timothy Steiner. “I assume it was a beer bottle, and furthermore, I will assume the driver was drunk.” Steiner says that next time he will take proper action. “I will definitely call 911 the next time I see a golf cart. From my very limited understanding of what 911 is for, I understand that the emergency response team will be very excited to hear from someone talking about a golf cart driving on the road, and in no way will this distract them from other potential emergencies.” Steiner believes that if for some reason a S.W.A.T. team does not show up immediately to take down the lawbreaker, he and other citizens should take this issue into their own hands. “I encourage anyone who sees a golf cart to vandalize it. Seriously, if there is anything you don’t like about other residents in your neighborhood, just vandalize their crap.” Golf cart owners feel they are getting unfairly judged. “I drive my cart safely and responsibly,” says Nicole Beatty. “We simply use it to go to the pool or go to a close-by neighbors place. I really don’t understand the hostility.” Some non-cart owners agree. “This has to just be jealousy, right?,” says resident Dan Brody. “Who gives a sh#t about golf carts? I can’t believe you’re asking me these questions.” Although there are differing opinions in regards to cart drivers, one thing is for certain. This issue has to be addressed before another three or four Stapleton residents purchase these menacing vehicles. “If something doesn’t happen soon, I will simply move,” said Steiner. And Stapleton cannot afford to lose vocal, concerned residents like Steiner. ]]>

The Stapleton garage sale has become bigger every year. It is becoming more organized, with more items, and consumers are flocking to it from all over the world. This year, over 7,000 Stapleton homes sold items ranging from SUV’s to match box cars. “It was another great event,” said consumer Marie Wilson. “We spent about $700, but we probably saved about $2500 on items that we needed to get.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Garage Sale Boasts World’s Sixth Largest GDP

With the completion of the Fulton through street to Aurora and Havana soon to follow, North Central Park residents fear that Aurora leakage will extend passed Eastbridge to other parts of the pristine Stapleton community. “I don’t think community leaders, Forest City, or the City of Denver are really looking at the long-term ramifications of these through streets,” said North Central Park resident Sam Westwick. “This could drastically affect the safety of residents as well as the long-term home values of Stapleton.” [Read more…] about North Central Park Residents Building Security Wall

The Northfield Mall continues to struggle, long after the completion of the Central Park Blvd. Exchange. Forest City, owners of the mall, are looking to potentially change the landscape of the mall forever. “We are looking at the possibility of turning the area into an outlet mall,” said Forest City Spokesperson Janelle Ayers. “The current format isn’t working, and it’s like they say in the mall business, if it ain’t workin’,’ turn it into an outlet mall.” [Read more…] about Northfield to Become Outlet Mall-Topia?

Stapleton is growing again with the expansion of Bluff Lake and coming soon, Conservatory Green. With all these new builds, new residents are coming into the community, but many of the people moving into the new Stapleton homes are current Stapleton residents. “A lot of our clients are current Stapleton residents,” said real estate expert Jody Donley of New Perspective Real Estate. “They want to stay in the neighborhood, but are looking to get a bigger home, a home from another builder, or simply move to a different neighborhood within the community.” [Read more…] about Business Spotlight: Moving Company Moves Residents from Old Stapleton Home to New Stapleton Home

As some readers may have noticed, the latest fad phrase/saying is “perfect,” as in “I think I can meet you at the Berkshire at 7:15.” Response: “Perfect.” It is no surprise that in such a perfect place like Stapleton the saying “perfect” is being used so much. Also not surprising, some residents are complaining a bit that they are hearing it too often. Part of the “perfect” craze is for people to mention how their kids are in a “perfect” amount of activities this summer. “If I hear another crazy Stapleton mom use the word perfect again, I’m going to lose it,” says an unnamed nanny who asked us not to disclose her name. [Read more…] about "Perfect" Very Popular in Perfect Stapleton

A Stapletonion investigation has unearthed a network of extreme environmentalists who bond over their silent shame. They secretly use chemical weed killer. These men reside in Stapleton and find support in just being with each other as they share their double lives. [Read more…] about Stapleton Enviros Secretly Use Chemical Weed Killers