Issue 46

“Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.” In the story Twas the Night before Christmas, Santa enters the house through the chimney, and this is the way we have always been told Santa arrives. Centuries ago, this was how jolly old St. Nick delivered all of his presents, but advancements in home heating technology, changes in building codes, and the proliferation of multifamily housing has made gift delivery a logistical nightmare for Claus in recent centuries. “I hate new home communities,” Claus said during a presentation at a Christmas industry convention last spring. “In many places, building codes don’t allow chimneys on new construction homes, so I’ve had to resort to climbing through windows like a common criminal. I miss the days when every house had a chimney and I didn’t have to be an expert at breaking and entering.” [Read more…] about Lack of Stapleton Chimney’s Frustrates Santa

A recent Stapleton study confirmed what the city government and libraries already knew: people simply don’t want to read on Tuesdays, Thursdays, or Sundays. “Who has time on those days to read,” said Stapleton resident Aaron Hill. “I think most people reserve their Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays for reading time. It’s just common sense.” Long time Denver librarian Patricia Collins agrees. “I have been doing this for over thirty years, and without using any data, I can tell you that those three days are completely dead in libraries,” said Collins. “Back when there were book stores, they had hardly any business on those days either.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Study: Residents Have No Interest in Books or Reading on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays

Recently, McAuliffe Middle School began community discussions in regards to moving to a new location in Park Hill (Smiley). Originally, some people in the Stapleton community were not pleased. “This is our school,” exclaimed concerned resident Rob Klunder. “We don’t want our great schools moving all the way over to Park Hill. Is this just the beginning? How many more schools will be leaving Stapleton?” [Read more…] about Update: More Schools Come Into Stapleton Than Leave

After the first couple of snows in Denver, it again became apparent that Stapleton needs its own private snow removal. “Why is it that our streets and alleys are caked with snow days later, and other neighborhoods are completely cleaned up?” asked concerned resident Tyler Green. “It is not acceptable. I am pretty sure snowless streets were promised somewhere in the master plan.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Pushes to Get Private Snow Removal

[Read more…] about Resident Eagerly Awaits New Neighbor

Adam and Joan Litton have three beautiful children, twins Mathew and Leah (4) and then baby Kennedy. Like most parents, they absolutely adore their kids, and believe they have the cutest kids in the world. So, Joan likes to get the kids cute clothes to wear. “We know that our window of them wearing what we want is closing,” says Joan. “We are taking advantage of it while we can.” Some of the clothes are nice jogging outfits, and others are adorable jeans and tee shirts. But some are dress outfits that were either hand me downs from friends, or gifts from family members. “We never know what to do with the dress up clothes,” says Adam. “We don’t do a lot of formal things.” Joan, however, believed the clothes were too cute not to use. “I mean, some of these outfits were just adorable. We had to have the kids wear them.” Joan decided the best way to put these outfits on the kids and not be out of place was to start attending church. “We had not attended church for years,” said Joan. “But this was our opportunity to have the kids looking so cute.” The Littons plan to continue to attend church until they have either worn all of the nice outfits they have, outgrown them, or when the kids become too difficult to dress up. “This is not a long-term thing,” says Joan. “We definitely do not plan to continue to go.”]]>

In a disturbing sign of the times, a Stapleton youth football team celebrated their championship victory by holding up one finger and yelling, “we’re hashtag one!” The symbol that used to be most commonly referred to as “the number sign” or “the pound sign” has now been gobbled up by the twitterverse to the degree of which it has affected our children. [Read more…] about Sign of the Apocalypse: Stapleton Championship Football Team Chants “We’re Hashtag One!” After Game