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The Denver Board of Education announced today that William Roberts Elementary School was to be renamed Billy Bob’s School of Education. A member of the Board, Jason Clinton, said that the move was intended to make the school seem more urban and less patrician. Said Mr. Clinton, “We want the school to have a more urban vibe – you know – more cool or hip or funky or whatever the kids say nowadays.” He added that “We at Stapleton are very hip really. We can do the Macarena with Gangnam style.” [Read more…] about William Roberts Elementary to be Renamed

Staff Writer One recently received an angry email over a recent article regarding the broken promises of the giant development company. “I personally, and we at The Stapletonion, will not be bullied,” said Staff Writer One. “They let me know in no unspecific terms that I was going to regret a recent piece of journalism. I am here to say that I am not frightened by this, and we stand more steadfast as proponents of the first amendment than ever.” [Read more…] about Staff Writer One Responds to Forrest City Threat

There are dozens of stores and restaurants in the Quebec Square area. Stores offer shoppers and diners a variety of choices. Some Quebec Square restaurants are frequented by Stapleton residents such as Jimmy Johns, Smashburger and Buffalo Wild Wings. Other places are not as frequented, such as Arbys, Panda Express and Golden Spoon. But at some point a Stapleton resident has eaten, shopped, or had services done at every Quebec Square shop. That is, except one. Until last week, no Stapleton resident had taken a bite of food at the Quebec Square Country Kitchen. “I am not sure what they even serve,” said resident Brandon Stone. “I am pretty sure it is all you can eat, which is really not the kind of place we want to be bringing our family.” “I think it has country food, like mashed potatoes and meat,” guessed resident Jay Stagemeyer. “I mean it sounds good, but all you can eat? I can’t imagine you can sneak a lot of quality into an all you can eat meal.” [Read more…] about Pioneering Family First Stapleton Residents to Eat at Quebec Square Country Kitchen

Historically, The Front Porch has published the cumulative, average CSAP scores of the three public elementary schools in the Stapleton community. This year, the publication may have gone a little too far in the eyes of many parents. “I think it is important for people in the community to see where students are at as a whole at each school,” said Westerly Creek parent Leah Morningstar. “It can help other parents in making decisions on where they want their child to go to school, and most importantly, gives bragging rights to the parents and people involved with the winning school. But, publishing the actual scores of each student along with their parent’s names, is just a bit intrusive.” [Read more…] about Front Porch Under Fire for Publishing Individual CSAP Scores

Shiny Happy Car Wash and the new car wash unwittingly put their differences aside and joined forces in support of a cause that is near and dear to both of their hearts – undercarriage rust on vehicles. The two first realized they had more in common than they thought when each “liked” the same Facebook post by an organization they both follow. The previous Monday, the Stapleton Contingent for Undercarriage Rust Voidance, Eradication, and Education (SCURVEE) posted some information regarding their upcoming fundraiser to benefit cars currently undergoing rust abatement treatments as well as cars considered to be “at-risk” based on their DMV records. 

 [Read more…] about Happy Accident Leads to Happy Ending

The Stapleton schools have recently suffered a massive head lice infestation which has drastically changed the course of the lives of 14 local students. The Westerly Creek nurse’s office unintentionally leaked the names of over a dozen of the students infected with the friend-killing disease, forever ruining the chances of those students becoming popular at their school. “It was really an unfortunate incident,” said Westerly Creek Principal Laura Plakke. “We are doing everything we can do contain the situation, and of course, make sure it never happens again.” Westerly Creek comes into this new controversy on the heels of the lip syncing scandal. The school is in complete damage-control mode and has recently hired Colorado PR powerhouse Fitzgerald-Petersen Communications. “We have already spoken with the families of the 14 students,” says Principal Plakke. “On the advice of Fitzgerald-Petersen, we have offered them a compensation package which includes an X-Box, some candy, and the option to change classes or transfer to another elementary school with no penalty. We have also included all of the appropriate information should any of the children want to change their names.” Parents of the 14 students have kept their silence on the subject, but the lawyer for the families issued the following statement. “These 14 families have been through an extremely emotional and trying situation. They first find out their child has lice, and of course, have to do all of the necessary cleaning at home. Then, they find out that their kid’s opportunities in school have been extremely compromised. We are in contact with the school and its agencies to see the best path for each individual family.” Westerly Creek is just hoping the whole thing will all go away soon. “It has been a very tough winter for our school,” said Principal Plakke. “I wake up each morning hoping the whole thing is just a nightmare, but it’s not.” No, it is not a nightmare, but it is every day for those 14 kids. ]]>

Stapleton has long been a community that is big on posting signs. From the pocket park rules, to the turtle signs reminding you to slow down, to the city finally acknowledging MLK Jr. Dr. appropriately. Recently, a new rash of signs have been spotted that are sparking some controversy. [Read more…] about Stapleton Signs offer Fair Warnings to Residents, Non-Residents

Residents in the upper middle class community of Stapleton have really started taking advantage of the close quarters and highly social community. In Stapleton, it is pretty easy to get to know your neighbors, your neighbors’ friends, your neighbors’ kids, and your neighbors kids’ friends. For these reasons, one can easily figure out the kind of people they want to hang out with, and the kind of kids they want their children spending time with. [Read more…] about Stapleton Parents Arranging Marriages of Young Children