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Stapleton Mothers Needed: Pool Accident Study

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  • My child has pooped or vomited in the pool. The lifeguard saw it, ordered everyone out of the pool, and I was publicly humiliated. I have various negative physical reactions every time I take my kids to the pool.
  • My child vomited or pooped in the pool. Other people saw it but I just scooped it out, was embarrassed, then went about my business as they were disgusted and told their friends. I still feel like those people are watching me and talking about the repulsive incident every time we go to the pool.
  • My child vomited or pooped in the pool. No one saw it so I scooped it out but felt really, really guilty about it and still do.
    • So if you are a Stapleton mom, fall into one of these categories, and would like to take part in a study that could possibly cure you of your disorder and pay you for your time, please contact Dr. Greg Asbee at poolanxietystudy@gmail.com.  Dads are ineligible for the study as Dr. Asbee mentions that dads really just don’t care when things like this occur.]]>

    Forrest City Taking “Less Sub, More Urb” Slogan to Whole New Level

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    Forrest City’s classic Stapleton ad slogan, “Less Sub, More Urb” was once clever, but now has become too much for local residents.  Recently the development company shipped in some street hooligans from Detroit to stage a riot in the town center to give Stapleton that “city feel.”  Forrest City President Phil Dargossi believes this is a necessary step to portray the image they are looking for.  “There are a lot of developments that promise an urban feel, but never deliver,” says Dargossi.  “We are prepared to do whatever it takes, and that includes fabricating and creating street riots.” [Read more…] about Forrest City Taking “Less Sub, More Urb” Slogan to Whole New Level

    HGTV Green House Pretty F’ing Green

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    The HGTV Green House in Stapleton is green enough for even the hippy-est of vegan flower children. This adobe home features almost no modern amenities invented after the turn of the 20th century. The future “winner” of this home will be surprised by the lack of indoor plumbing, electricity, and natural gas.  “We wanted to create something that may not be comfortable to live in, but at least your doing your part for the environment,” says HGTV Green Home designer Meena Dasari. (see photos of the new Green Home after the jump) [Read more…] about HGTV Green House Pretty F’ing Green

    Stapleton Census: By 2014, Turtle Signs to Outnumber Caucasian Children

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    Recent census projections show that Stapleton Caucasian children could soon be a minority.  The study projects that by 2014, the annoying turtle signs reminding you that there are children in Stapleton, and you should slow down, will be the majority.  Forrest City is unsure how this will affect the community.  “We don’t really know how this will affect our ability to sell the area to prospective home buyers,” says Forrest City statistics expert Ron Stone.  “We know that Caucasian children have been good for business, but it could end up being that slow turtle signs are just as good.  It is just too early to tell.” [Read more…] about Stapleton Census: By 2014, Turtle Signs to Outnumber Caucasian Children