Stapleton Leads Denver Charge to “Most Sexually Active” Title

denver most sexStapleton continues to boost Denver’s reputation. In a recent “study”, Denver was ranked as the most sexually active city in America. The study took into account birth rates, contraceptive sales, and sales of sex related merchandise. People move to Stapleton for the sole purpose to eventually reproduce, so Stapleton clearly supports Denver in that category. “We moved here from the highlands,” says resident Mike Beatty. “Of course we like it here, but we only moved here because we knew we wanted to have kids, and if you want to have kids, you are basically peer pressured to move to Stapleton.” Nikki Sword agrees. “We lived in Hilltop, but knew we were going to start a family,” says Sword. “So, here we are with the rest of the people in Denver who either have kids or want to have kids.” Stapleton’s kid-friendly reputation is so big people move to Denver from out of state. “We moved here from Ohio,” said Tim Eichorn. “My job gave me some options as to where we could move, and Denver was one of the cities. After looking into it, we decided to move to Stapleton, because of how kid-centric it is.”

The study did not take into account swingers, according to researchers. “We did look at the sex toys stuff,” said lead researcher on the project Stew Cavin. “But we did not take into account swinging. I guess that would have put Stapleton and subsequently Denver even further ahead.” With more schools getting built, there appears to be no end for the amount of reproduction efforts occurring in Stapleton.

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