Vandalism at Izzy B Shows World Still Full of Dickbags

graffiti-on-schoolA few weeks ago, vandals spray painted hateful graffiti on playground equipment and the school at Isabella Bird in Stapleton. Along with the hateful graffiti, the vandals painted a swastika. Yes, they actually spray-painted a fucking swastika. “Someone told me about a painting of a swastika on the school and I didn’t believe them,” said Stapleton resident Kelly Shannon. “I actually went over there to see it. And sure enough, some complete douche painted a swastika on a school door. Unbelievable.” Seth Crosley also went to go see the vandalism at the school. “Yeah, there was a swastika,” said Crosley. “And it was painted on a school. Not sure what they were trying to accomplish with that. My only guess is that it was the only way they could prove to themselves they are a complete waste of oxygen. It’s really sad that people like this exist.”

Amanda Propp is in such disbelief, she feels it must have been some sort of mistake. “Maybe they aren’t sure what the symbol stands for,” said Propp. “Or maybe they were trying to draw something else and it ended up looking like that but was totally intended to be something else. It’s clear these delinquents aren’t Banksy.” The reason for the defacement isn’t known, and police are looking for the perpetrators, ideally so they can be water boarded for a 12 hour period then put to work cleaning up any hate-related graffiti throughout the city. Luckily, some great folks in the Stapleton community immediately rallied to clean up the graffiti in a show of unity. “I’m really not comfortable having a swastika anywhere, but especially within a mile of my house,” said local do-gooder Dan Axtell. “So, a group of us went and took care of the mess so it wasn’t sitting there a minute longer than it had to.” Big thanks to Dan and the rest of the group. As for the offenders, the Urban Dictionary describes “dickbag” as someone who is 36 times worse than your average dick. So, maybe these guys weren’t dickbags afterall. Just something much, much worse.

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