Undeclared Thermostat Wars Breakout Across Neighborhood

undeclared thermostat warsWith the hot Colorado summer upon us, air conditioners seem to be constantly running. Everyone keeps the air running in Stapleton, it’s just a question of what temperature. And although there are Stapleton couples who get along and agree on most everything, no couple ever completely agrees on what temperature the house should be at a specific point in time. “I love my wife,” said resident Tom Hickey. “But, she thinks it’s okay to sleep in a house that’s 75 degrees. That’s just not possible. So, after we go to bed, I sneak down, and crank that thing down to 71 or maybe 72 at the highest.” Tom will sometimes wake up later in the night to find himself burning hot on top of the covers. “I’ll head back downstairs and see that it’s back up to 75,” said Hickey. “I know she changed it.”

This same situation happens all over Stapleton every night. The most fascinating thing about it is that it is never spoken of. “Morning comes and I never speak a word about it,” says ‘thermostat sneak attack’ victim Wendi Reynolds. “It’s ‘good morning, honey, how did you sleep?’ Neither of us ever admitting to the other that we know of their late night undercover antics.” Some people are considering escalating these silent wars. “I’m looking into getting an app which will allow me to control it from my phone,” said resident Steve Ayala. “The best part is I could lock her out of it. She wouldn’t even know where to start.” As technology continues to advance, and precision temperature control devices are built, there is a chance wars could escalate to the uncomfortable area of conversation. “Obviously, that is the last place any of us want these wars to go,” said Hickey. “Talking about it, or really anything, could blow our relationship apart. It’s mutual assured destruction.” Many couples will continue to just use guerrilla warfare tactics waiting for cool fall days, windows open, known as ‘détente season.’ “I look forward to openly discussing keeping the windows open or closing the windows,” said Reynolds. “This sneaking around is really hard on my conscience. Obviously, just talking about the thermostat stuff. Nothing else.”

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