They’re Baaaaack!


artists depiction of future events

Forrest City has failed yet again. This time, their failure could endanger the entire Stapleton population as well as the fragile Stapleton ecosystem. The “park” on 26th Ave. in EaWe had been overrun with prairie dogs for quite some time. Forrest City decided to begin the park project a couple months ago starting with putting in a fence, then moving to the most challenging task: removing the prairie dogs. After a lot of controversy and at least some thought, the decision was made to poison the prairie dogs instead of the costly project that would be relocation.

A variety of poisons were used, but the most commonly used poison was iocane powder, which is odorless and tasteless, but one of the most deadly poisons known to man. Although the iocane seemed to have worked on thousands of the prairie dogs, hundreds had apparently been working up an immunity to it, and therefore, remained unaffected. In fact, biologists are wondering if it has made them even stronger.

“We have reason to believe the survivors have actually gained strength, and possibly have mutated genes they will pass along to even a stronger offspring,” says University of Colorado biologist and ecologist Cari Lyle. “We have already noticed that the coyotes have almost completely abandoned the area as the prairie dogs have a new confidence and are scaring them off as well as the off leash dogs.”

Experts worry that if the prairie dogs are already creeping up the food chain, they may be inclined to approach and attack humans. “They already have a complex language system for defense,” says Lyle. “They could easily turn that language into an aggressive language for planning attacks. I don’t think humans, in particular the Stapleton population, is ready for that.” Forrest City released a simple statement regarding the issue but was unavailable for comment. “We regret that phase one did not work as planned, however, there were contingency plans put in place in case of something like this. We will not release the specifics of this information, but phase two will be more effective than the Maginot lines.”

Forrest City plans to wait and see what happens in the next two weeks prior to going to phase two. Speaking for all Stapleton citizens, we hope it is not too late.

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2 responses to “They’re Baaaaack!”

  1. Stinky Rhodes

    Let the prairie dogs feast on some of that pink slime they used in McDonalds burgers. That should take care of the problem.

  2. Mike

    Obviously they are breeding super prairie dogs to take down the tower in order to save on demolition costs.

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