Stapleton Residents Always Watching, Judging

judgingThe pressure in Stapleton to “keep up with the Joneses” is enormous. People in Stapleton are generally smarter, more successful, funnier, and better looking. This in and of itself can make even the most confident person self-conscience. The stress of living up to “Stapleton Standards™” is not totally self-inflicted. Stapleton residents keep a keen eye on each other to make sure each and every one of them is living up to “Stapleton Standards™.” “I not only feel it is my right to judge others in the community, but I feel it is my duty,” said Stapleton resident Lisa Carman. “We Stapletonians need to enforce unwritten rules in almost every way of life. What you can wear, how you should act, how you should drive, how you should parent, etc. This is how we keep a balance in creating the best community in the world.”

Resident Troy Hayne feels the same way. “Would people keep their homes and yards as nice if we all weren’t constantly judging each other? “Probably not,” assumes Hayne. For many residents, the most important pressure is to make sure people remain physically attractive. “We have all been to small towns and suburbs,” said Eric Lance. “People get married, have kids, and then they just let themselves go. That is not what we are about here in Stapleton. In fact, it’s almost as if we are going the opposite direction. After you have kids, you make sure you put in your time running, at the gym, or doing CrossFit. Especially the ladies. You have to stay hot in the Stapleton market. You want to be the girl all the dads are talking about at the Berkshire.”

One Stapleton resident, who spoke on the condition of anonymity in fear she would be judged, would prefer residents not be so pretentious and judgmental. “I wish people would just let others in our community be who they are. It is so tiring living here and worrying about what people think of your involvement with the school, what kind of car you drive, how you decorate for the holidays, and so on. Just give it a rest.” Tracy White only partially agrees with this assessment. “The judging is the gravity that keeps our little Stapleton solar system working,” said White. “If we stop judging each other, things are going to get crazy quick, same as they would if we removed gravity from the solar system. If people want to live in one of those crazy judge-free zones, that is fine, but I prefer to keep our Stapleton as-is. Perfect.” Carman has the best advice for those new to the Stapleton community. “Whenever you leave your house, think to yourself, ‘how will others think I look and act and what do they think about my family life and my material possessions?’ This is the first step in keeping up with ‘Stapleton Standards™.’”

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