Stapleton Elf on Shelf Tells Wife Husband is Cheating on Her

In a bizarre turn of events, an elf on the shelf in Stapleton informed resident Cindy Patterson that her husband Robert had been cheating on her. The elf, Randy, had been spying on Robert, including listening to his phone calls, looking at text and emails, and even monitoring his online chats.

“I’m obviously shocked and disappointed,” said Cindy. “But now I know I can always trust Randy and can take full stock on how good he says the kids have been.” Robert feels betrayed by Randy and says he still can’t believe that Randy sold him out. “I have been the one giving him snacks and treats for years,” says Robert. “I don’t know what I could have done that made him betray me like this.”

“I will say this, she can keep that stupid elf in the divorce,” says Robert. “I mean, has this ever happened to anyone else?” Through very little research, the Stapletonion has found no circumstances of an elf on the shelf ever ending a marriage, or even discussing adult behavior, as their main purpose is to watch the kids. Randy suspects that there was more going on. “I’m not sure if she was giving him extra treats, or if they went shopping together, or maybe even more, if you know where I’m going.”

Cindy contends that Randy has never been anything more than a trusted confidant when it came to evaluating the behavior of her children. “Anything that Robert says that implies more is just ridiculous.” One thing is for certain, parents are going to be a lot more careful when it comes to their behavior around elves on the shelves.

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One response to “Stapleton Elf on Shelf Tells Wife Husband is Cheating on Her”

  1. Bruce Vandal

    not funny.

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