Stapleton Adults Kick Crap out of Kids in Thanksgiving Morning Football Game

For the fifth year in a row, the parents of the annual Stapleton Thanksgiving football game at Central Park were dominant, winning 63-0, and injuring at least five kids. “We played our hearts out today,” said parent Luke Bianco (37). “The adults came prepared today, and that preparation showed. I feel a little bad for the kids, but they will learn from this, and hopefully play a little harder next year.”

Tim Schall (42) led the attack for the adults scoring three times catching the ball, once eluding five or six seven year olds before scampering 12 yards into the end zone. “It felt great to be out there,” said Schall. “I haven’t played football since I didn’t make the team as a sophomore in high school. I feel like this eased some of that pain, and at the very least, showed my high school coaches that they were wrong in cutting me.”

The kid’s team was led by a couple of 12 year olds and three ten year olds, but was mostly comprised of six to eight year olds. “I would say that height hurts us the most,” said kid’s captain Zack Lewis. “I mean, they can literally throw it above our heads and we can’t jump up to knock it down. This was a humiliating loss, but all of us know that if we can keep this game going for another five to ten years, we are going to start hurting and embarrassing them badly.”

After some injuries, organizers are considering changing some rules for next year. “After the game, some of us talked and think that we shouldn’t allow blocks below the waist,” said Bianco. “Dads were going in pretty low to take out the kids, which right now is legal, but it did cause some injuries and some tears.”

Aside from some small rule changes, the game will be played again next year as scheduled. “I would not miss this for the world,” said Schall. “I am not sure if she was there today, but if she was, I am guessing my ex-wife finally gained some respect for me.”

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