Stapleton’s Top Party Schools

In honor of the recently released Top 20 Party Schools by the Princeton Review, The Stapletonion is ranking the Top Party Schools in Stapleton.

#1 Westerly Creek Elementary: Parents here know how to party, as shown by their tremendous giving party last year. The kids are young, so the parents are still young and haven’t completely given up on their 30’s.

#2 Bill Roberts: I know a lot of these parents, and although they seem to be pretty good parents, I worry that most of them have a drinking problem.

#3 Swigert Elementary: The chicks there can party. At a giving party I once saw one of them drinking directly out of one of those chocolate waterfall thingys. I can’t make that up. Totally true.

#4 McCauliffe Junior High: It is their first year outta the gate, but I gotta really good feeling about these people. A really good feeling.

#5 Montessori Children’s House of Denver: People willing to put their kids in a school with a re-education chamber have to party, right?

#6 Primrose School: Although these parents are typically young, they are REALLY serious about raising their kids. They don’t drink that often, but every so often they get hammered and wonder, “what am I even doing anymore?”

#7 Monarch Montessori: Very caring parents trying to raise independent children. Taking time to discuss things with your kids, such as right and wrong, eats up valuable drinking time. However, I happen to know some of these parents and they sometimes make it rain.

#8 Knowledge Beginnings: These people live in two income households doing the best for their kids. By the time they get home, they have some play time with their children, and then settle down with a book. Maybe a glass of wine, but not a lot of time to party.

#9 Denver School of Science & Technology: High school parents of a high quality, Oprah-approved school are waiting patiently for their kids to graduate so they can get divorced and then show the world what partying is about. But not until graduation…

#10 Community Academy: Church associated school. I’m not saying church people don’t party, I’m just sayin’ they have a lot more guilt about it.

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