Speed Sign on Central Park Boulevard Needs to Calm the F*ck Down

Speed signIf you are reading this, the odds are you have driven north on Central Park Boulevard heading towards Northfield.  Of the handful of things that can be a little annoying on this stretch, by far the most irritating is the speed sign. “I really hate that damn thing,” says Stapleton resident Jacob Essex. “I mean, it flashes when you are going one mile an hour over 30. Really? Is the flashing necessary? Relax. It’s one mile per hour, you jackass sign.” Other residents have the exact same experience. “If that sign was a grown man, I would pull over and kick it’s ass,” said Mike Davis. “Why are you flashing at me? Oh, you’re mad because I am going four miles per hour over the speed limit. Well, sign, I think you need to calm your shit.”

Ultimately, the sign probably accomplishes its goal of keeping residents driving slower and safer on this small stretch, but in the long run, may be causing more damage. “After I see that sign, I am so pissed off, once I get through that annoying stretch, I drive aggressive and mean,” said driver Brad Gerbracht. “Who does that sign think it is to yell at me for driving two miles an hour over the speed limit? Relax, jerkoff.” Some residents have considered removing the sign themselves. “I have absolutely thought about heading out there late at night and tearing that sign down,” said a Stapleton resident speaking on condition of anonymity. “I am just worried that it will somehow get caught on tape, and I will get busted for kicking a sign’s ass.” Finally. Something all Stapleton residents can agree on. The sign can stay, but the unnecessary flashing, well, that has to go.

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