Speed Sign on Central Park Boulevard Needs to Calm the F*ck Down

Speed signIf you are reading this, the odds are you have driven north on Central Park Boulevard heading towards Northfield.  Of the handful of things that can be a little annoying on this stretch, by far the most irritating is the speed sign. “I really hate that damn thing,” says Stapleton resident Jacob Essex. “I mean, it flashes when you are going one mile an hour over 30. Really? Is the flashing necessary? Relax. It’s one mile per hour, you jackass sign.” Other residents have the exact same experience. “If that sign was a grown man, I would pull over and kick it’s ass,” said Mike Davis. “Why are you flashing at me? Oh, you’re mad because I am going four miles per hour over the speed limit. Well, sign, I think you need to calm your shit.”

Ultimately, the sign probably accomplishes its goal of keeping residents driving slower and safer on this small stretch, but in the long run, may be causing more damage. “After I see that sign, I am so pissed off, once I get through that annoying stretch, I drive aggressive and mean,” said driver Brad Gerbracht. “Who does that sign think it is to yell at me for driving two miles an hour over the speed limit? Relax, jerkoff.” Some residents have considered removing the sign themselves. “I have absolutely thought about heading out there late at night and tearing that sign down,” said a Stapleton resident speaking on condition of anonymity. “I am just worried that it will somehow get caught on tape, and I will get busted for kicking a sign’s ass.” Finally. Something all Stapleton residents can agree on. The sign can stay, but the unnecessary flashing, well, that has to go.

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One response to “Speed Sign on Central Park Boulevard Needs to Calm the F*ck Down”

  1. Matthew Blackburn

    A few weeks ago you wrote an article mocking the speed limit sign on Central Park Blvd. that flashes, “Slow Down,” when you’re driving 31 miles per hour in this 30mph zone. (Which I found odd, since the sign that really stands to be mocked is the one southbound on CPB – right before 23rd Ave. – which only shows your speed if you’re going 30 or less.) If you’ve ever tried crossing Central Park Blvd. at 33rd Ave. on foot, you’d know this is no joke. Cars heading north from MLK Jr. Blvd. are trying to gun it through the light at 35th and putting their vehicle’s 0-60mph capacity to the test; they’re already doing 35, 40 miles per hour a block and half later. If you’re crossing with kids, or your dog, you have to practically run for your life to get across – so laugh it up, rule-flouter!

    People complain about photo radar and think it’s some sort of government scam, but how else to get people to observe the speed limit in a residential area? If anything, there should be more photo radar traps to make the streets safer for pedestrians. I

    t’s the same thing trying to get across MLK Jr. Blvd., with cars zooming at 45 – 50 between Syracuse and CPB, as if there’s nothing more important than beating a red light. Fortunately, the median offers a safe space to stand (and-nice for you-there are no pesky signs reminding drivers to go the speed limit on this stretch).

    Today, while driving eastbound on 35th Ave. through the intersection at CPB, with my 6-year old in the car on her way to play with a friend, I was nearly broadsided by a northbound vehicle running the red light. The other car locked up it’s brakes, and I accelerated and swerved slightly, but I thought sure it would catch the back end of my car. So, it’s funny AF to me that we should raise awareness, and try to encourage drivers to go the speed limit. Let people drive as fast as they please – why even post a speed limit?!?

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