Senile Pilot Lands Private Jet on Central Park Boulevard

“Hangar 61 looks a lot different than I remember,” was the first thing that Captain Jim “Cappy” Roberts said to the minister of Stapleton Fellowship Church, as he handed him his baggage and asked for coffee. “And there was nobody attending that fuel tank near the runway either. She’ll need to be filled up before I head back to Toledo.” Cappy had gone as far as attempting to refuel at the MCHD silo and finally taxied into the Stapleton Fellowship Church.

Roberts, an Air Force veteran and commercial airline pilot of 30 years, retired in 1994, just before Stapleton International Airport officially closed, when the church was in fact Hangar 61. According to relatives, in recent years Roberts, who lives near a municipal airport in Ohio, has mistakenly flown small aircraft on numerous occasions. “We try to keep a close watch on him, but we can’t be there all the time to keep him out of trouble,” explains his son, Tom. “With his years of experience, he knows every major airport like the back of his hand. It’s never been a major safety issue until now.”

Representatives from the FAA were unavailable for comment, but Forest City and fans of sustainable development were delighted that Stapleton has added yet another mode of transportation beyond cars, bikes, buses, and the upcoming commuter rail. “Besides endangering lives and destroying property, what Cappy has done is demonstrated Stapleton’s potential to someday function as an airport,” stated Forest City spokesperson Nick Freeley. “We continue to look for innovative ways for Stapleton residents and workers to have access to multi-modal transportation, and we’re ramping up an airport feasibility study as we speak.”

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One response to “Senile Pilot Lands Private Jet on Central Park Boulevard”

  1. Stinky Rhodes

    Light up the old control tower!

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