NRA Generously Donates 500 Firearms to Local Schools, Teachers

Too often the National Rifle Association (NRA) comes off as greedy, self-serving, and sometimes even crazy. But recently the NRA is looking to change that perception, and they took one of their first big steps in Stapleton in Denver. “This community seemed like the perfect place to begin the new story of the NRA,” said NRA CEO and Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre. “A story of giving, and more than anything, a story of caring.” LaPierre along with the NRA has agreed to donate several hundred guns to Stapleton’s schools, in what he believes should help make parents, teachers, and most importantly kids, feel safer. Local parent Nikki Witherow agrees. “After 911, I was strongly in favor of passengers being able to carry guns,” says Witherow. “That way, if a bad guy has a gun, at least a bunch of good guys have guns, and no one can argue that the ONLY way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun.”

Longtime Denver Police officer and current Denver Sherriff Joel Lair disagrees. “That doesn’t even make sense,” says Sheriff Lair. “That’s why we have police negotiators who often talk down people with guns, and there are countless other examples of people without guns disarming people with guns through physical force. It’s a pretty stupid saying.”

But it is not stupid to the local teachers, most of whom already feel safer. “I think it is going to just put me at ease,” said local teacher Steve Doyle. “I mean, how is a bad guy going to get a gun into a school that has dozens of guns already? They can’t. That’s your answer.” The main issues some residents have with the new guns is the lack of training teachers may have in regards to shooting one, their ability to handle a serious crisis, and potentially their ability to take another person’s life. Although over 20% of Stapleton’s teachers were previously special forces in the military, another 70 to 80 percent have never fired a weapon.

“If I can deal with one kid throwing up while another is trying to cheat on a math test, I am pretty sure I can handle anything,” said Doyle. “I mean, if all these uneducated NRA people can figure out how to shoot a gun, I am sure I can.” Although local leaders agree that shooting a gun is probably pretty easy, there will be weekend courses available for teachers who choose to carry a gun. “We are going to set up firing ranges,” said SUN President Mike Victoria. “The community wants to make sure the teachers have had plenty of practice. There will be two temporary firing ranges in Stapleton, one of which will be in the Eastbridge Town Center, and the other will be in the undeveloped area near the control tower.”

Guns will be distributed to area teachers based on position of authority and then tenure. “I have only been in this district for a year and a half,” says teacher Laura Barry. “So, I’m not counting on getting a really good gun, but at least I will get one. That’s the important thing.” LaPierre plans on being in Stapleton on “gun draft” day and plans to kick it off with an inspiring speech. “It is not finalized yet, but I will definitely point out that with all these guns in the Stapleton community, residents can look forward to years of safety and prosperity.”

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2 responses to “NRA Generously Donates 500 Firearms to Local Schools, Teachers”

  1. Dave Barnes

    Wayne LaPierre is CEO and Executive VP

    The City and County of Denver does not have an elected sheriff, the Manager of Safety, Alex J. Martinez, is the de-facto sheriff and the department is directly supervised by the Director of Corrections, who is also the Undersheriff.

  2. Hyman Rabinowitz

    As long as they’re not imaginary guns. Now that would be truly frightening to the children, not to mention being a clear violation of the ‘zero-tolerance’ policies that seem to be working so well.
    I mean, I can handle the threat of real violence against our children, but at least now I can sleep at night knowing that no one is going to point their finger at my kids and say ‘Bang!’
    I say, instead of arming trained security personnel to protect our kiddos, perhaps we could train some of the more responsible kids to protect everyone with imaginary guns in the event of an attack from a deranged lunatic with a real gun. No, that’s probably not a good idea. Imaginary guns are just too darn dangerous for our children to be exposed to.
    I know, why don’t we just pass a law to prevent any of this from happening in the first place? That way, schools could be deemed ‘gun free zones’ and we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone ever bringing a gun to a school. Even mentally unhinged individuals who’ve lost touch with reality would have to respect those laws, don’t you think? I mean, c’mon, it would be illegal. Even in the unlikely event that someone were truly reckless enough to break this ‘gun free’ law, the kids would always have their fingers to protect themselves. Foolproof.

    Sorry, Stapletonian, I’ll let you get back to your very well thought out gun control crusade.

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