New Study: Stapleton Pools Decrease Parenting Time by 36%

A recent study shows that having a pool near you enables you to do more of what you want to do and less of what your kid wants to do. Parents in Stapleton are absolutely taking advantage of this at any of the fine Stapleton pools. “The summers are great, because I pretty much take the kids to the pool, drink beers, and check out the hot moms in the neighborhood,” says resident Chris Burgess. “The kids do their own thing, and they have lifeguards there. By the time they get home, they are so tired from being in the sun and swimming they go right to bed. No work or play on my part.”

Residents agree that this is an outstanding system from June through August, but what about the other nine months? That’s where the new rec center pool will come in. Parents can come by, drop the kids off at the pool, and move on with their lives. “I mean, it was cool having a kid at first,” says Todd Gebhart, “but I have two now. The novelty has worn off. Do your own thing already.” Come late September, the rec center expects to have the pool at capacity nearly every day in anticipation of the local residents’ lack of parenting effort.

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