New Study: Stapleton Has Most Gifted Children Per Capita

Independent research firm Prestige International conducted a survey of the Stapleton community in 2010 and discovered that 97% of Stapleton children are classified as gifted or otherwise academically advanced. The results of this survey have landed Stapleton the coveted number one spot on the IPE’s (Institute of Private Educators) list of preferred communities.

After 18 months of door to door interviews, mail surveys and on line questionnaires, Prestige discovered that only 3% of the 23,110 children living in the Stapleton community are considered to be average, or regular. It should be noted that 91% of the children classified as average were also considered unattractive at birth.

Two year old Robert “Bobby” Johnson of the EaWe neighborhood is described by his parents as having an average intellect and not being all that good at soccer. According to Sarah Johnson, “we knew from the beginning Bobby was different from his two older sisters when he had yet to roll over by five months and failed to master baby sign language.”

Prestige extrapolated from its findings that interaction with other gifted children must foster and promote an environment of giftedness. This finding has created near panic as Stapleton residents seek to insure that their children are surrounded by only the brightest and most gifted.

The Thornbergs, who live in the home immediately adjacent to the Johnson’s home, have recently put their house on the market after discovering that Bobby was not also gifted like their son Jackson. “We think Bobby is a sweet kid, but we just can’t risk Jackson associating with a mere average child” stated Mrs. Thornberg. “When it comes time for learning the alphabet and colors, every advantage you can give your child comes into play and if Jackson is allowed to share the same sand box with Bobby, who knows how he will do on his preschool admission exams and everyone knows if you don’t get into a good preschool you can kiss that ivy league education goodbye!”

In response to the Prestige report, Forest City plans on breaking ground on new playground areas designated for gifted children use only in order to alleviate the growing concerns of many of the Stapleton residents. Forest City has also requested the City of Denver rezone the Central Park playground in order to restrict admission to Stapleton residents. A public forum will be held on this request at City Hall on Wednesday, December 14 at 6:30 p.m. All Stapleton residents are strongly encouraged to attend.

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