“Manliest Guy at Pool” Contest Officially Begins

manliest guy at poolThe Stapleton summer puts pool season in full effect. The pools are mostly known for the constant sounds of kids playing in the water and of course, the hot Stapleton moms. Often overshadowed are the Stapleton men, who are constantly scrambling for their identity in the Stapleton community. Pool season gives guys one small chance to stand out and look “manly” at the pools. “During the rest of the year, I am going to work, going to kids events, and rarely get a chance to be out in the Stapleton social scene,” said Stapleton male resident Brendan Rudee. “Even when we are out socializing in the Stapleton community, my smoking hot wife usually overshadows me. So, for at least nine months of the year, I am pretty invisible.” Stapleton dad Chris Westwick also struggles to stand out most of the year. “Maybe we go to small gatherings, or head to the Berk,” said Westwick. “But there really isn’t a chance for me to show off the kind of man I am. I mean, I keep in shape, watch sports, and have a few beers every now and again.”

The pool season allows men to finally strut their stuff. Some men are excited to show off their cross-fit bodies, others promote their slight belly and strong chest. Other guys understand the nuances of truly being a man. “Some guys come in here and just don’t get it,” said local resident Andrew Pacenka. “Sure, you have to be in shape. But you also don’t want people to think that’s all you care about. Your beer choice says a lot about you.” Fellow “manliest guy at pool” contestant Kevin Uker agrees. “You can’t walk around drinking juice, water, or even light beer. It helps if you have something hip like a PBR, or just something more rugged like a Coors. Chicks don’t dig dudes drinking that microbrew crap. That says you’re too worried about your image, and don’t plan on having more than two. When you bring in a High Life, you’re letting the ladies know, I plan to be here a while, and I don’t care what ya’ll think of me.”

So, ladies, this summer, feel free to stare at the “manliest guy at pool” contestants. Watch when they loudly ask a friend for a beer, or laugh hysterically at something that’s not funny. They want you to stare. After all, this is their one time of the year to get a little bit of attention. A little bit.

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