Kim Jong Un Adds Stapleton Control Tower to “Preferred Targets” List

Recently, North Korea released a photo which was intended to show its list of U.S targets for a possible nuclear strike. These targets include the obvious places, Hawaii, Los Angeles, New York City, and most certainly, Austin, Texas. However, top U.S. military officials were unable to understand why North Korea has one of the targets on the list. That target is the old Stapleton Control tower in the Stapleton neighborhood in Denver, Colorado.

“It doesn’t make a lot of sense,” says General Schmit. “If they could strike Denver, they could probably hit Colorado Springs, which is a much better military target. I don’t know what intelligence they have that says that control tower has any significance whatsoever.” Other military analysts agree. “There is nothing out there, internally or externally, that claims that this Stapleton landmark is nothing more than an unused, crumbling control tower,” said top American military analyst Jeff Jones. “Not even the Soviets have this on their target list, and they at least could hit it if they wanted to.”

Forest City President Phil Dargossi issued the following statement: “We have recently been informed that our Stapleton Control Tower is a target of the communist regime of North Korea. Although in no way could North Korea ever send a missile over the Atlantic Ocean to the United States, nor could they ever accurately hit the state of Texas, we are asking our residents to be vigilant, and on high alert.”

Residents have mixed feelings about the information that has come to light. “Who cares,” exclaims Jim Winga. “This could not affect me less. The North Korean government is a bunch of idiots.” Erin Clark agrees. “This actually makes me more confident that these guys can’t do anything right. If you are trying to nuke the control tower, clearly you have your head in the wrong place.”

Some Stapleton conspiracy theorists are taking a different approach, however. “What is going on inside of that tower?” asks resident Steve Holst. “Are they using it as a drone command center? Gathering top intelligence? Tracking UFO’s? Clearly, something weird is happening in that facility, and I am going to find out.”

Residents are being asked to stay away from the tower, not because of any military threat, but because the structure is unstable and could unpredictably fall at any moment.

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