Kickball Injuries Mostly Emotional


The 8th Annual Stapleton Kickball Tournament sponsored by The Stapletonion was another rousing success. Balls were kicked, people were tagged, refs were yelled at, and alas, Champions were crowned (congratulations to Team Spencer). Everything seemed to go fairly smoothly. In fact, even injuries were down. Well, at least the physical ones.

There were only two hand injuries compared to seven last year. Hamstring pulls were cut in half from six to three. And shockingly, no trips to the emergency room. The only injuries that seemed to be in abundance, were emotional ones.

“I thought this was just for fun,” said athlete Kevin Day. “However, I missed a ball and our captain screamed at me. I don’t think I will ever forget that. Ever.” Then there was Matt Johannsen who kicked to foul balls and essentially struck out with the game on the line. “My team, even the girls were just shouting at me,” said Johannsen. “Things like, ‘What were you thinking?’ and ‘We should have won that game!’” The loss caused Johannsen’s team to immediately move to the loser’s bracket.

Referees like Nicole Porche also took some heat. “People were asking me if I knew the rules of kickball,” said Porche. “Some people even asked if I was blind. Yeah, I’ve heard that before, but these guys seemed to be sincere.”

Next year The Stapletonion is going to require that all players take a sensitivity course prior to the tournament. Tournament organizers hope this will dramatically reduce the injuries to people’s feelings.

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