It’s Official: DPS High School Naming Committee Reaches Decision

name of HSThe official process for naming DPS’ newest high school has finally come to its conclusion, with the Naming Committee announcing its decision earlier this evening after a three-hour, closed-door session. In what has at times been a passionate and heated debate over a good and proper name for the school, the committee finally came together unanimously over a name submission received last week.

Next fall, Stapleton’s brightest young minds will be attending Hunter S. Thompson High School.

Citing Thompson’s body of bold and courageous work, his well-known affinity for Colorado, and his current status of being deceased, the committee voted overwhelmingly in support of the name.

According to Naming Committee Chairman Skylar Saar, the decision was a slam-dunk. “The rule states that the candidate must be deceased, and must have a strong connection to the community. With Colorado’s recent embrace of a more casual attitude towards mind-altering behavior and the creativity that it may potentially cultivate, we felt that Mr. Thompson was far and away the most appropriate choice to represent Denver’s newest high school. And apparently Gary Hart’s still alive, so that ruled him out.”

The committee’s work has not been without its challenges. While many felt that “Stapleton High” was the logical choice, the committee saw things differently after performing extensive research into the old airport’s namesake.

“We wanted to avoid the controversy that any further use of the Stapleton name would have created. The committee did some research, and it turns out that it may not have been completely appropriate to even name the neighborhood after that guy. He was a bit of an a-hole, as it turns out.”

The Thompson High School Fightin’ Gonzos will begin athletic competition next fall, with an aviator sunglasses-wearing lizard as mascot. School colors will be a cornucopia of vibrant hues, representing the full palate of extrasensory experience.

“I couldn’t be happier with the decision,” said Avi Tropper, principal-in-waiting of the newly-minted Thompson High, “especially considering our school’s primary focus on the high-growth field of print journalism.”

“You know,” Tropper continued, “one night a bunch of years back, me and a friend from Carbondale walked into the Woody Creek Tavern, and there was Hunter, perched at the bar. I really wanted to walk up and at least let him know how what an influence Fear and Loathing had been on me, but my buddy said he could get kind of sketchy about his privacy so we hung back. A few minutes after we got there, he threw most of an Old Crow on the rocks at the bartender’s head then strolled right on out. But it was still really cool just to see him up close like that. If he was still around, he’d be so stoked about this. I think.”

Aside from “Stapleton High” other names that were beat out included: Marijuana High and Mary Jane High.

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