Grounded: Constellation Design Engineers Come to Terms with Fact That Structure Doesn’t Need to Fly

constellationConstellation Ice Cream has been under construction in the Eastbridge Town Center for quite some time. Engineers have struggled to finalize the project, and residents have been kept in the dark as to why the project hasn’t been completed. “What’s taking so long?” questioned Eastbridge resident Shane McCoy. “I’m not a business analyst, but getting this thing done in time for Christmas just doesn’t make sense.” North Central Park resident Nicci Doyle agrees. “We have ridden our bikes down there tens of times through the spring and summer to eat and have drinks, and it would have been nice to have some ice cream,” said Doyle. “But, the progress seems to always be very slow, and oddly methodical for an ice cream shop. Don’t you just need a roof, some eggs, milk, and sugar?”

The Stapletonion has been attempting to reach project managers of the Constellation for months, and recently were able to speak to the lead engineer of the project, Chris Evers. Turns out, the initial scope of the project wasn’t very simple. “We really wanted to create something special, not just an ordinary ice cream shop,” said Evers. “The creative design of the airplane wasn’t the end of it for us, it was the beginning. From the start, we intended that the shop, the airplane design, would actually be able to fly.” Ever’s engineering team spent months working out design issues and trying to figure out the best way to make their idea take flight. Ultimately, the project crashed, and Evers had to make some tough decisions. “We confronted the fact that ultimately, people just want to get their ice cream. They don’t need to be airborne to enjoy it,” said Evers. Finances also played a part in the decision. “We had sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars in to figuring out a way to not only have the plane be able to take off and land, but to have it be financially feasible. I mean, we couldn’t charge $75 for a cup of ice cream.”

After hearing the news, Stapleton residents were understandably disappointed. “Yeah, would have really been nice to enjoy the ice cream while flying over Stapleton,” said South End resident Dave Anderson. “But, I suppose I can just eat my ice cream on the ground, like people from other Denver neighborhoods.” Amy Beatty agrees that flight would have been nice, but having a fourth functional ice cream shop in Stapleton is more important. “Stapleton is used to having everything a little better, but as long as they have good ice cream, I will be happy, I guess,” said Beatty. Evers says that removing the “flying portion” of the shop will speed things up quite a bit, and patrons can expect to start getting their much awaited ice cream in the Eastbridge Town Center in early 2018. Who knows, maybe ice cream can just be enjoyed at 5,280 feet?

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