Forest City Intensifies Search for Osama Bin Prairie Dog

Forest City Intelligence officials have narrowed their search for long hunted prairie dog leader Osama Bin Prairie dog to a narrow stretch of land on the future site of the 26th Ave. Park. That area is between Fulton and Florence Streets. The Forest City Intelligence Agency is using heavy duty construction equipment digging through the area trying to find the vaunted prairie dog leader.

“At this point, we have a lot of confidence that we have trapped him in that area, and we will find him,” said agency spokesperson Mitchell Cuthbert. “This has been a ten year search that essentially began when Forest City started developing Stapleton, and we have been absolutely dedicated to finding the leader of the prairie dogs that have terrorized the Stapleton land for so many years.” Forest City did not give specifics on how they received the intelligence, but mentioned they had planted several moles.

Osama Bin Prairie Dog as he is known to intelligence officials is the ace of spades in the prairie dog deck of most wanted prairie dogs. “We have captured or killed numbers two through 16 but have been unable to find our number one,” said Cuthbert. “We believe that fortune is about to change.”

Finding Osama Bin Prairie Dog would mean a lot to hundreds of Stapleton residents who have been annoyed by the prairie dog population over the years. “I have lived here for six years,” said resident Kyle Schall. “I go by the destruction they have caused on runs, bike rides, and walks, and it is heartbreaking. It will be a big day in Stapleton when the leader is finally taken out.”

Other residents are more sympathetic to the prairie dog cause. “I am not saying that the alleged damage to the ecosystem hasn’t been caused,” said resident Kim Wilber. “What I am saying is that we are Stapleton, and we should be more humane. Prairie dogs have rights, and deserve to stand trial, just like any other Stapleton residents.”

The Forest City Intelligence Agency expects that they will catch Osama Bin Prairie Dog within the next three weeks. “At this point, it is just a matter of time,” said Cuthbert. “We will continue to tighten the perimeter and eventually, he will be flushed out, and captured or killed.”

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