Forest City Building “Safe House” for Stapleton Residents

safe-houseForest City is in the early stages of constructing a massive four story building which will sit on 25 acres of land on Northfield Blvd. The building will be used as a “safe house” for Stapleton residents in the event of bad weather including another major flood, tornados, hail, or even an earthquake. However, the most likely use of the shelter will be a sanctuary from a potential attack from Aurorans.

“With the income gap continuing to rise between the haves and the have nots, it’s only a matter of time before the have nots plan an attack on this great neighborhood,” said Forest City President Phil Dargossi. “I have created, well, we have created this wonderful neighborhood, and I fear that the people from the other side are going to destroy it all.” President Dargossi says that he and Forest City have quietly been planning this project for a long time. “We know we haven’t been able to appropriately fund other projects such as the Eastbridge Town Center or the 26th Ave. Park, just to name two,” said Dargossi. “But, we have been keeping that huge slush fund for this project, which is pretty massive. I think the residents of Stapleton will react favorably to this project.”

Resident Tony Lewis disagrees. “Has Dargossi gone completely mad?” asks Lewis. “This is literally insane. First of all, no one is ever going to use this. Secondly, the project is going to cost hundreds of millions of dollars. That money could be used so much better.” Cindy Retzlaff agrees. “I don’t see any scenario where I will pack my family up to live with the rest of Stapleton in a bomb shelter. Don’t we already live too close together?”

The shelter will almost be a fortified castle. It will feature internal cell towers and cable lines so that residents can always communicate with the outside world inside of the 10 foot thick, bomb-resistant concrete walls. Each family will get up to 600 square feet of living space and 400 square feet specifically for storage. The roughly $400 million facility will also feature an Intranet, along with underground tunnels to the Berkshire, Crossfit Stapleton, Target and Toys R Us, among others. The somewhat top secret facility is expected to be completed around the fall of 2017, just in time for the first term of Jeb Bush.

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