Final Push for Hispanic Voters: Romney Dines at Stapleton Chipotle

In his final effort to make things right with the Hispanic community, Romney reached out to them in the only way he knows how: eating at the Stapleton Chipotle. “I want the great Hispanic people of the great state of Colorado and this great nation to know we are very similar,” said Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. “I love burritos, and I know that Mexicans love burritos.” Romney had some struggles when trying to describe exactly what it is he enjoys most about eating a burrito. “Well, I love the uh, different beans as such, and the salsas that can be applied to the burrito, and the cheese. It’s all about the cheese.”

Romney went on to discuss other reasons the Hispanic community should favor him as president. “For the Hispanics that are here legally, and are now citizens of this great United States, we are going to shut these borders down,” said Romney. “My guess is, they are just as sick of all these Mexicans coming into this country as I am,” Romney said to the small group of white Stapleton residents that happened to still be standing around in shock that it was Romney and not the President that had showed up.

The Romney motorcade showed up in Stapleton around 11:30AM yesterday afternoon causing quite the stir in the town center of the urban community. “We knew it had to be either Romney or the President,” said Udis diner Tim Cox. “I was kind of hoping it would be the President.” Romney is staying in the Stapleton area as is the President in preparation for their first debate this evening at Denver University.

Nate O’Hara questioned the efforts of the local police security. “I was wondering to myself how hard they work to protect him considering a lot of them are part of that freeloading half of the country Romney dumped on,” said O’Hara. “I guess it’s their jobs, so they do their best, but they are probably a little pissed he called them lazy, and already wrote them off as potential Romney voters.”

The debate this evening will touch on several topics sensitive to Colorado and the nation including immigration, health care, jobs and taxes. “Finally, I will have a chance to get into some of the specifics of my jobs plan,” said Romney. “Without getting too specific, my plan, which I will not go into great detail about, will create 12 million new jobs. Why 12 million? It was just a number that sounded good. What kind of jobs, and will these be American jobs? You’ll have to wait for that until after the election for that kind of detail.” Both sides believe this is the most important election in history, and The Stapletonion agrees, as long as you don’t include the elections of George Washington (nation’s independence), Abraham Lincoln (ended slavery), Franklin Roosevelt (depression), Harry Truman (atomic bomb), and Barak Obama (first black President).

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