FEMA Rescues Stapleton Comcast Users; Victims Transported to Hotel Teatro, Brown Palace

escaping comcastIn what FEMA is calling nothing less than a miracle, the estimated 2,000 Stapleton households affected by the Comcast outage last week were safely transported to luxury five star hotels in the Denver area via high end helicopters. “This was probably our biggest win during this tough time,” said FEMA Director Craig Fugate. “These residents had over six hours without cable or internet service. And understand these are family people. There are kids to think about. Our agency definitely came through, and I know for the rescuers and the victims, it’s something they will never forget.” Fugate said the agency was notified about the disaster when they received hundreds of calls from Stapleton residents expecting something to be done by the agency whose objective it is to, “improve our capability to prepare for, protect against, respond to, recover from and mitigate all hazards.” “This was a challenge right up our alley,” said Fugate. “These people needed out, and there wasn’t much time to spare. FEMA sent a fleet of high end helicopters to rescue residents who were close to becoming bored to death. “We had to move funds from some other areas to make this happen,” said Fugate. “But, the people dealing with the hurricanes, they’re used to dealing with hurricanes. Stapleton residents need their technology.”

Stapleton Comcast user Andrea Yagla was almost satisfied with the evacuation efforts. “The helicopters that picked us up were really nice, but I’ve probably had better shrimp than what they were giving away in the helicopter,” said Yagla. “But overall, it was a life saver. Nothing’s ever perfect, I guess.” Victim Marc Roberts appreciated the efforts of the rescuers, but acknowledged nothing is the same as being at your own house. “We stayed at Hotel Teatro,” said Roberts. “We received a $250 stipend for food and drink for the evening. The pinot they offered wasn’t as vintage as what we drink, and some of the kids’ options for food could have been better. But, we’re alive. We’re survivors, and in situations like this, you need to grind through, even if you’re doing it with a house cabernet.”

When FEMA deemed it safe for residents to return to their homes the next day, they were given train tickets and a complimentary Uber passes to make sure they made it home safely. “It’s great to be home,” said Stapleton resident Ryan Propp, almost in tears. “This has been hard on all of us. We will forever be thankful for our rescuers.” Propp also wanted to send thanks out to the Stapleton residents who had been thinking of those affected by the outage. “The outpouring of love and prayers from area residents was overwhelming,” said Propp. “People were offering whatever they could; hot spots, use of their CenturyLink internet service, and so many other things. The community really came together.” Chants of, “we are, Stapleton!” could be heard throughout the neighborhood after Comcast service was finally restored. Even the handful of residents who refused to be evacuated survived. “It’s not something we recommend,” said Fugate. “The reality is, we didn’t lose one person. Not one.” Now, Comcast, on the other hand, may lose a few.

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